Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy
by LeeCan
Summary: Chuck and Sarah love each other. But the past has been hard on their relationship. Will the CIA mandated therapy sessions hold them together or tear them apart. Begins where Chuck vs the CIA Assasin leaves off.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I'm anxious. I've waited for this day ever since I found out that Agent Walker and her Fiancé would start their therapy sessions again. I had read the report. I knew that Sarah Walker had left the agency. She had started her own consulting company and that her fiancé was doing well with his own gaming business. I wondered briefly if that was just a cover for her. I knew that would come out in these sessions.

Robert Carson, I thought. How did you get to be so lucky?

There were 14 Psychologist on the CIA payroll and I am the one who gets to handle Sarah Walker's decommissioning. I looked at my watch for the one hundredth time in the last hour. They should be here any time now. I stepped over to the small mini bar and brought out three bottled waters. I knew where they would sit from previous visits we had together.

Opening mine, I spill water on both my black golf shirt and khaki pants. I grab a towel and wipe off the excess.

Thinking back to our earlier sessions, I didn't think I would ever see them again, at least not together.

I jumped at the sound of the intercom. Finally. there's Janie. Yes. very well send them in. "Chuck, Agent Walker come in, come in. Make yourself comfortable." I look at my two new patients and the difference between them is dramatic. Chuck is relaxed and comfortable sitting on the couch. Agent Walker on the other hand is a tight ball of nerves sitting right beside him. She looks as though her skin is ready to burst open. Chuck is holding her hand. I can tell he is trying to comfort her.

You poor bastard, I think. She knows what we're dealing with. You don't have a clue.

I notice that the last eight months have been good to them. Even though Agent Walker is nervous, she looks much better than the last time she was in my office. And Chuck Bartowski is clearly more confident, he is better dressed wearing a brown sport coat with blue jeans. I notice Sarah's attire is basically as I remembered.

"How have you been?" I look from one to the other.

Chuck looks at Sarah and then answers for both. "We've been good. Ah, look Doc, Sarah is very nervous about this. Can we skip the formalities and get right to it? It's not like we haven't done this before."

I look at Sarah to make sure that that is really what she wants. It is obvious that it is. "Agent Walker, of course I have read your mission files so I have a good idea of the topics we are to cover. Do you have a preference?"

"Dr. Carson, I need to discuss two separate issues tonight, both of which are not part of my past mission files."

I notice that she is playing with something in her hands. I can't quite make out what it is but I can see that she is about ready to crack from stress. "By all means Agent Walker, what would like to discuss first?"

"Please, call me Sarah," she said quietly.

I nod my head in agreement and notice that Chuck smiles with her statement. It is easy to see that he is very happy about her leaving the CIA. "OK, Sarah what's first?"

"Chuck, what I need to tell you is not easy for me. It's not easy because I'm sure it will hurt you. I would have liked to have told you sooner but it was a gray area to me whether it fell under the CIA mandate for my retirement. I thought it was best to play it safe." She looks at him and then quickly back to her hands.

"Sarah, whatever it is, we'll deal with it. Now calm down."

She did not look up. "Do you remember when you were being transferred to the secure bunker because Fulcrum had discovered where you worked?"

"Yes."

"Remember the talk we had right before Longshore was killed?"

"Yes."

"Chuck that talk scared me to death. And then after that we get back to your apartment and you invite me inside for Ellie's engagement…knowing it was for family only. I was so confused and upset. I knew I was falling for you. I knew that if anyone found out that you would be put into a bunker and I would be reassigned never to see you again. And… a part of me didn't want to fall for a regular guy like you. Bryce was always my ideal of a man, dashing, able to fight and shoot with the best of them. I always thought that I would marry someone like that." She finally looked up.

I saw her wince from the pained look on Chuck's face.

"Sarah-"

"Let me finish Chuck, this is important. I needed to find out whether I was in love with you or if it was some silly infatuation. I wondered if deep down Casey was right and I developed an attachment to the guy's I worked with." She stopped talking, stole a quick glance at Chuck and then looked at me.

Here it comes, I thought.

"Chuck, that night I contacted Bryce. I knew he was in the area and I was so confused. She stopped. Looked at her hands and then with a deep breath she looked at Chuck with a resolve to meet his stare. "Bryce and I slept together that night."

It was clear that Chuck knew something big had happened but his expression slowly disintegrated to despair. "Sarah, I thought by then we had…something."

"We did. I just didn't know it yet. I thought that sleeping with Bryce would tell me that I wasn't really in love with you but it did just the opposite." She stopped abruptly.

I noticed tears coming down her checks.

"That was the night that I knew for sure that I loved you."

She stopped again and fiddled with the object in her hands. She could not look at Chuck. I saw that she tried once but did not actually make eye contact with him. She seemed to be trying to decide on how much more to say.

"Chuck, you know Bryce was my first love. He was always great in bed."

She clearly had made the decision to come completely clean about this. I saw that Chuck's countenance had clearly changed for the worse.

She looked at him again with shear determination on her face. "We had just begun when I knew. She touched his sleeve and then sobbed once. "I knew the wrong man was making love to me."

Chuck looked out the window. I didn't think he even noticed that Sarah's hand had slid down from his sleeve and was now tightly gripping his hand. "Sarah, I…I mean…I don't know what to say. I never expected." He suddenly looked at her.

I noticed his expression soften somewhat as he saw how vulnerable she was.

"I am not going to lie to you. Does this hurt? He shook his head up and down before he answered. "Very much, but we'll get through this. OK."

"Chuck, you need process what Sarah has just shared with you. I noticed you saw how pained she was and you immediately thought to comfort her. I don't want you to forget that you may need to explore how this makes YOU feel. Sarah is a big girl. She's made the hard decision to tell you something that she could have easy kept from you. That should tell you that she wants an open and honest relationship. But you need to discover your feelings and discuss them. Don't let this fester over time." I watch him closely to gage his reaction.

"Dr. Carson, Sarah and I will talk about this... Yeah, I'm hurt." He looked outside the window. Without looking he put his arm around her shoulder. "It'll take more than this to get rid of me." He looked back to her with a sad smile on his face.

Sarah buried her head on his shoulder and wept quietly.

"Let's take five minutes before we continue."

X-X

I watch Sarah and Chuck come back in and sit down. She is sitting very close to him. The relief on her face is dramatic. Chuck on the other hand is somewhat distracted.

"OK, what I would like to do is continue this discussion next week after Chuck has a little time to think about what happened and how that has affected him. We only have about fifteen minutes left. Is that enough time for your other topic Sarah?"

"More than enough. This is not as serious." She turned to face her fiancé. "I have a friend. Someone you don't know about because she works for the CIA as well. But we are best friends and since she is coming to visit us day after tomorrow, I thought I should let you know." Sarah smiled at him happy to share something new about her old life with him.

"You have a best friend? What's her name?"

"Emily… Emily Stevens. We met during basic training. We've been friends ever since."

"Is she an agent?" Chuck asked.

Sarah looked at me. "He's been given full access," I reply.

"Yes, she works primarily international. I don't get to see her as much as I like. She has some time off between assignments and would like to spend a week with us. Is that OK?"

"OK, are you kidding? I get to meet a true friend of yours. I can't wait."

Clearly this news has raised Chuck's spirits. I'm glad. I tell them that time is up and watch them leave. As I suspected, the tables had turned somewhat. Sarah was much improved over when she came in. Chuck on the other hand, seemed to carry a little more weight on his shoulders. I knew that next week we would need to discuss the Bryce affair in more detail and from Chuck's perspective. But watching them leave, I knew and could actually sense a strength between them, a strength I knew would be tested in the coming sessions.

Janie, schedule Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski again this time next week please. Thanks.

**A/N** Hope you like it. I think the concept is good. I just hope I have the chops to make it interesting while keeping it fresh.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: OK, I have to go through this setup chapter to get to the next chapter. I hope it continues to entertain.

Chapter Two

Emily Stevens

Once I leave the security area, I start to scan the crowd of waiting people, looking for Sarah. There are a large group of people but I know Sarah will stand out from the crowd.

After looking for her in the group, I think it is not like Sarah to be late. I start methodically, beginning to my left and slowly pan to the right side. About half through, something catches my attention. I look back to see a dark haired man holding up a sign that reads Emily Stevens. Idiot, I think. Why don't you just announce my presence over the loud speaker? But then I relax when I realize I'm not on a mission, I'm on vacation.

I look at the man holding the sign. He's tall, dark, and lanky but I have not made up my mind about the _very cute_ part of Sarah's description. As I get closer to him, I see that he is cute-ish. Still not sure if this is the famous Chuck Bartowski that I've heard so much about over the last few months or possibly a driver Sarah sent to pick me up, I look at him for a second appraising him. "I'm Emily Stevens," I say.

I see this huge smile break out on his face. Dorky, goes through my mind.

"Emily, it is so good to meet you. Actually, you're the first person I've ever met from Sarah's past."

"You must be Chuck," I say amused at his excitement.

"Ah, right. Chuck Bartowski, Sarah's Fiancé."

I shake the hand he offers.

"Do you have any luggage I can help you with?"

"No, I've had it delivered, 33645 East Plantation, right?"

"Ah, right, I didn't know I could do that," he said.

"You can't," I reply. "Where's the car?'

"Oh, this way, follow me."

We walk out to short term parking and get into a black Mustang. I'm amused when he walks to my side and opens the door for me. I watch as he hurries around to the driver side door fumbling with his keys as he runs, opens it and sits down. We quickly exchange smiles before he starts the car. I hope mine seems real.

As we pull out of the Airport onto the access road, he looks at me again.

"We're did you fly in from?" he asked.

"Washington."

"Were you debriefed before coming here? I thought you were flying in from Manila?"

I am immediately concerned and slowly reach for my gun. "Why would I be in Manila?" I say stalling for a little time to get my berretta in position.

"Sarah mentioned that you were coming in from Manila, I just assumed that you would come here and go to Washington afterwards."

"Sarah told you I was in Manila?" This did not add up, I thought. Why would Sarah give this guy that much detail? Unless. "So you work for the Agency too?" I say it as though it was petty conversation.

"Uh, no…you know Emily. I don't know how much you know about Sarah and me. I mean our past, so why don't we wait for Sarah to get into that."

He may look like a geek but at least he's got something on the ball. "Sure." We drive for a few minutes in silence. I look at him again. He has the kind of face that grows on you, I think.

The phone rings and he pushes a button in his console.

"Chuck Bartowski."

"Hi sweetie."

"Hi Sarah," he says steeling a look my way. "Where are you at?"

"I'm at the apartment. I just got in and wonder how long it will be before you're home?"

"We've got another thirty five to fifty minutes depending on traffic. Hey, you're on speaker, Emily's here."

"Hi Em. I can't wait for you to get here."

"Hi Sare Sare. I know. I can't wait to see you too." I look at Chuck wondering what I can say. "Your boyfriend is taking good care of me though."

"Fiancé, Em. We're getting married in September."

"So you tell me," I say. I see Chuck look at me with a hint of a frown on his face.

"Ok Em, hold your tongue. Wait until the three of us can sit down and talk. You both are at a disadvantage wondering what you can say. Emily… you don't have to worry. Chuck knows everything you do. Oh, my tea is ready! I will see you both in a little while."

I sit in silence watching the office buildings, stores, restaurants and finally homes drift past. I can't stand it any longer. "Answer me this one question? Are you a civilian?"

He looks at me, he is clearly calculating. I can see he is not as happy with me as he was when we first met. If I thought he was just a job Sarah was doing I wouldn't care. But-.

"My relationship with the CIA has been severed. When I had a relationship with them it was complicated. That's all I'm going to say about it until we get home."

Even though he looks like a geek I see he has an inner strength about him. He is someone that when he makes up his mind to do something people rarely change it. I can admire that at least.

"Chuck…you're right. Truce, until we can all sit down and talk more freely."

I like his open, honest smile I think to myself.

"That's what I don't like about all the cloak and dagger bullshit you guys have to go through. Always worried about saying too much or the wrong thing. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore."

So he was working in the field at one time. That must have been how he and Sarah met. I say to myself. "Tell me Chuck, how is Sarah doing?"

"Sarah's great. She started her own consulting business a while back and it is really keeping her busy. But she loves it."

"She tells me you own your own business as well."

"Yeah, things are going well right now."

"So you two are really getting married? It's not another cover for Sarah is it?" I look at him and see for a split second he is truly worried about Sarah marrying him for cover.

"No, there's no reason for her to be undercover here and I wouldn't be part of her decommissioning therapy if she was still with the CIA."

"You're part of her decommissioning sessions?" Shit…Shit, this is for real. I can't believe this. I look over at him and study him closely. This is the guy that has taken Sarah Walker from the CIA, I think. I start to ask him another question when he breaks my train of thought.

"Here we are."

I look at the apartment building. Very nice. There's a courtyard leading to a number of apartments within the complex. The style is Spanish. There is a fountain in the middle of the courtyard. I start to open the door of the Mustang but notice Chuck is hurrying to open it for me. I'm struck by the thought that it is hokey…but nice. We walk to the courtyard of the apartment building and as soon as I reach the fountain, an apartment door to the right opens and out runs Sarah Walker, tall, blonde and beautiful.

I can't believe it. She runs up to me and throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. "Hey Sarah," I say. "Nice to see you too. But what have you done with the reserved Sarah Walker we all know and love." She steps back smiling at me.

"Oh well, this guy has had a little effect on me over the years." She points to Chuck. She looks at him and I see immediately this is no job. She's in deep, swallowed the hook for sure.

"Years," I say. "I thought you have only known each other about eighteen months?" I see them exchange looks again. I can see they are communicating with their eyes and I don't speak the language. I have no idea what passed between them.

"Let's go inside. We have a lot to catch up on," Sarah says.

I watch them lead the way. Their hands automatically find each other. Sarah had been telling me that she was leaving the CIA for some guy she met. I had thought she was most likely undercover and that she would tell me what was really going on when we spoke in person. I see that I had been wrong.

As I walk into their apartment, I am greeted with the smell of sassafras tea, my favorite.

"Em, have a seat. I'll get you a cup of tea. I know you're tired from the trip. How long has it been?" Sarah says.

"Two years and two months." I look around and see a smartly decorated abode. "But I am mad at you from missing our daily texting sessions."

"I'm so sorry Em. I've just been so busy lately. Planning a wedding and starting a new business has taken all of my free time."

"I understand. Sarah, did you do the decorating?" I said looking around.

"Mostly, Chuck helped with some." She handed me the tea.

I look back at her really close this time. She looks different, softer…and really happy. I take a sip. The tea is good.

I stand up to look at an assortment of pictures I see arranged over the fireplace mantel in the living space. All pictures of Sarah and Chuck. I notice a few of Chuck and another girl whom I can tell is a sister by the close resemblance.

Wait a minute, what is that! I have to look at it closely. I cannot believe what I am seeing. I pick up the picture and study it to be sure. "Chuck, how do you know Bryce Larkin?" I asked while looking at Sarah, silently questioning her as well.

"Uh, well I…I went to school with him at Stanford."

I see he is clearly uneasy. But then I see Sarah is as well. This is not a coincidence I realize. Is this the time to tell her? The tension in the room just went through the roof. I'm not sure.

"Sarah, where does the CIA get their women?" When I first saw Emily, I thought she had to be an actress or a model coming back to LA from some exotic photo shoot or movie set. Between you, Emily and Carina I would say that the requirements are: over five foot ten inches tall, less than one hundred and thirty pounds and drop dead gorgeous. You're blonde, Carina is red headed and Emily has the darkest hair I've ever seen."

He looks at me then back to Sarah.

"Does Victoria Secretes get their models from the CIA rejects?" he said laughing.

He's clearly trying to be funny to break the tension. Sarah and Chuck have still not recovered from my Bryce Larkin comment. Wow, something big is going on here. Does he know about Sarah and Bryce? It's gotta be that, it can't be... I watch Sarah closely. She is not going to like this. But it's not like I stole him from her. They've been over for a long time. I look at Chuck again not completely understanding her choices. Oh well, her loss is my gain.

Might as well get this over with now, "Ah, Sarah…speaking of Bryce." She snaps her head to stare intently at me. She knows something is coming. "Well, we are working together on this reoccurring job. We have been for some time now." I see those baby blues start to darken. "The thing is…well, you know how it is."

"What! You and Bryce?"

I watch her stand. I knew she would be mad at me. "Sarah, it's not like we planned it. We both fought it knowing how you would feel."

"Wait a minute. Are you saying you and Bryce Larkin are dating?" Chuck says. he has a smile on his face.

"I wouldn't call it dating per se." I just glance at him and then back to Sarah.

"I wouldn't either. What you're really doing is fucking my boyfriend."

"You mean ex…boyfriend don't you?" I say. That's when the backpedaling begins.

"Yes, of course I meant ex boyfriend. I haven't seen Bryce in ages."

I watch her sit down turn to Chuck and grab his hand. She knows she's just screwed up, sees he's hurt by her statement. He pulls his hand from hers, stands up and goes into the kitchen.

"Anyone want more tea?" He says from the kitchen.

I decide to play the trump card I now know I have. "Look Sarah, you have Chuck here. You and Bryce are history. Right?" I can see she knows she's trapped. There's only one answer.

"Of course, I don't know why I got so mad."

"I might."

I heard Chuck say from the kitchen, so did Sarah. Her head drops for a moment then she looks up at me with just a hint of tears in her eyes.

"You don't know what lousy timing this was... your romantic announcement about Bryce I mean."

All of a sudden I realize how tired I am. "Would it be OK if I lay down for a while? I'm feeling a bit worn out."

"Come with me Em. We have your room already made up."

She shows me where the bath is and where my bedroom is. "Thanks Sarah."

"We are going to have to talk about Bryce later on… I need your help with this, OK?"

I know there is more to the story and that it will come out. I can tell it's going to be good. I lay down and despite having a lot to think about, I'm asleep within minutes.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/N: I realized that I needed to add this chapter to fix a problem I had with the story. Although this was an unplanned chapter originally, I hope you like it.

Chapter Three

Emily Stevens

The apartment is quiet now. Sarah and Chuck have left for work. I'm sitting on the couch finishing my tea. I've been here for three nights and my perspective has changed from when I first got here. It is clear that Chuck and Sarah love each other like I've never seen before. Like I never even knew was possible. Their love is breathtaking in its depth. Desperate came close to describing it, but fell short. But even with that deep, desperate and needful love. There is still pain, and it's deep too. As I think about it, I know I don't know the whole story. Sarah made it clear that the reason she and Chuck have been together for the last three years is classified. I knew by the look she gave me that it was a line that I could not cross.

There was only one reason for her to be that determined with me. She was protecting _him_. Even though I wanted to know, I would respect her wishes. Besides, Sarah Walker was not someone you wanted to be at odds with.

I think back to last night. It was a good night for them. We talked about our lives and our expectations. I laugh as I think about the conversation turning to children. I can recall every word, and the look on Sarah Walkers' face.

_"You know September will be here before you know it," I said. _

_"There's so much to do before then, it's a little overwhelming," she added. _

_"Sarah, before you know it we'll have been married for five years with two kids looking at pictures of the wedding."_

_I saw what Chuck did not see… Sarah's face. She doesn't want kids, I think. Don't keep that bottled up girl, you have to discuss this. "Sarah, have you and Chuck talked about how many kids you want, a large family or small?" I watch them look at each other. She has that deer in the headlight look. Then, he sees it too. _

_"Sarah, I just assumed you would want a family."_

_"I don't know. Something about it scares me…I don't think I would make a good Mom." _

_"Nonsense, you will be fantastic." He is grinning from ear to ear. I see that she is becoming more uncomfortable with the conversation and I change the subject but not before counseling Chuck that more discussion is necessary before September._

I decide on one more cup of tea before showering. If it were not for the trust issue concerning Bryce they would have an ideal relationship. Actually, after listening to them discuss the issue my first night here over dinner I have to say that it is way beyond Bryce. Chuck is very much in tune with his concerns for their future. He seems to know Sarah's vulnerabilities better than she does. He laid it out very straightforward and precise. For the life of me, I don't see why she continues to misunderstand. Don't get me wrong Bryce is the focal point of Chuck's concern but beyond that, he is concerned that after two, three or even seven years, she starts to long for her old life. He wants to know where she stands with regard to her old life before he starts a new life with her.

Reasonable, I think.

X-X

I'm waiting for Sarah at Appleby's. It's lunchtime and the place is packed. I've got a small bar table in back. I can't help but think of Sarah. In some ways she's so sad. She has this wonderful man that she loves enough to leave the best job in the world over and yet she can't quite seem to commit completely. She can't open up and just share with him her soul.

Then I realize Sarah and I were a lot alike when we first met. That's why we became best friends. I remember what I thought of Chuck just a couple days ago. Nerdy, dorky, idiot and hokey were all words I used to describe him. Not anymore.

My stream of consciousness was leading to one unavoidable question. What if I had Chuck instead of Sarah? Would I be able to talk about the intimate desires of my heart? As I watched Sarah approach our table, I knew the answer to that question would be no.

I watch her sit down with sadness in my heart for her. I greeted her as always calling her by my pet name for her, Sare Sare. I drift back to my former thoughts. I hope she has what it takes to overcome the training and the years of being so closed up so tight, not letting anyone see anything that was true. Now, she is in love with a man that is as open and honest as anyone I've ever met. I couldn't think of any two people that were not meant to be together more than Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Walker. And yet, fate or pheromones or luck has put within their hearts a need for one another so strong and powerful, I doubt if they could survive without each other.

Sarah broke my train of thought.

"I hope it's OK with you?"

"I'm sorry Sarah. I must have been daydreaming about something. What did you say?"

"Chuck and I have been rescheduled with Dr. Carson tonight. Can you get by without us for a couple of hours?"

I give her the look. "I have toppled governments…I'll manage without you for a couple of hours."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**A/N: OK back to the therapist couch. I think I'm back on track with the story now. Anyway the 1****st**** person POV is difficult to write a two person protagonist story in. I would be interested in knowing if any of this is confusing to you, or just isn't working.**

Chapter Four

Robert Carson

I remember the first time they walked into my office. It seems like only yesterday. In fact it was almost a year and a half ago. I remember thinking that they didn't look like a couple then, although they were romantically involved. Tonight is different. Chuck came into the office first, as usual, followed closely by Sarah. They sat down in the couch without being offered a seat. They were clearly more comfortable with me now than they were a year and a half ago. And, they looked as though they were made for the sole and express purpose of being each others partner, in every sense of the word.

I grabbed three bottles of water out of the mini bar and sat down in my chair, handing Chuck the water, he in turn gave Sarah hers. I noticed that the smile they gave each other carried some other undecipherable message. Good, I thought. They are beyond the pain of last week's session, at least on the surface.

"How was your week?" I said to get things kicked off allowing them to start the conversation wherever they wanted.

Chuck looked at Sarah and then spoke. "I would say it was a mixed bag like usual." He looked back to Sarah to see if she wanted to add anything. She did not.

My opinion of Sarah Walker is very similar to that of a few great entertainers that I know personally, read about or have heard about through colleagues. Privately, she is a very reserved person. 'Quiet' describes her well. But put her in the field and she is capable of almost anything. Sarah Walker the CIA agent is like a different person than the Sarah Walker sitting in my office. I wonder briefly how the Sarah Walker I am looking at got to this point. Is this the way she was prior to joining the CIA and somehow morphed into the legend that she has become. Or, was there something during her time with the CIA that began to change her. I look at Chuck. Maybe it's just that simple.

"Doc, if I can get things started?"

"By all means."

"Well, I've done a lot of thinking about last week and Sarah talking about her last night with Bryce."

He looks from me to her and takes her hand.

"I had no right to blow up the way I did. My assumption that you had feelings for me was not enough to bind you to any behavior whatsoever let alone fidelity to a relationship that hadn't even begun yet, at least physically."

Sarah smiled at him, obviously relieved.

"But, I am concerned. Wait, let me step back and say this. Just so we're all clear on this. Nothing that we talk about in these sessions can possibly keep me away from that alter on September 24th. If I'm alive, I'll be there. Just so we're clear. We've survived too much at this point to let history stop us now…OK. He looked at her.

Through moist eyes, Sarah nodded her agreement.

He has become her protector now, I say to myself.

"OK."

He turned back to face me.

"With that being said, I still have a concern about Bryce. Doc, we have Sarah's best friend from the agency visiting this week."

"I know. I had to sign off on that," I said.

"Well, early on she told Sarah that she and Bryce were…er…dating."

I'm amused at how he delicately words their relationship.

"And Sarah got really mad and even accused her of sleeping with_ her boyfriend_. You can see why I got a little bent out of shape with that comment. Especially after Sarah's revelation about sleeping with Bryce last week."

"Sarah, why do you think you referred to Bryce as your boyfriend?" I just look at her, not wanting to give her anything else to play off of.

"I honestly don't know. I think it was just a slip of the tongue."

"But you were mad at Agent Stevens?" I ask for more.

"Yeah, that's what's so hard to understand. I _was_ mad at her. Just like if Bryce actually was my boyfriend. But honestly, I don't care who Bryce is seeing. I don't care."

I can see the bewilderment on her face as she talks about her feelings verses her behavior.

"Doc, you don't think she still has a thing for him but its buried deep down. You know, like the subconscious or something," he said.

"No, I don't think that," I say. I notice a look of relief on his face. Sarah gives him a look that says _I told you so_. "You know Chuck I can tell that your biggest fear is that at some time down the road, you're afraid Sarah will change her mind about leaving the Agency. Isn't that right?"

"I think I'm actually on record with that."

Seeing his joke did not go over, he became serious.

"Yeah, that is my fear. I mean let's be honest here. I have definitely overachieved... Look at her."

I watch him look at his fiancé as though he were memorizing her face. I too look at Sarah for a moment.

"She is beautiful, actually words just doesn't describe her," he said.

I sneak another look at her. He's right, I say to myself. She is lovely.

"Not only is she beautiful she is or was one of the top agents for our government. Her achievements are…are...Look, my point here is that we are on different levels. Sometimes, I wonder why she is with me. I guess that's just my insecurities. But it's hard not to be insecure in my shoes."

"Chuck, we are **not** on different levels. I look at you and I see a handsome man with so much going for him. I've told you before you're the strongest man I know emotionally. The fact of the matter is I feel like the lucky one in our relationship. I feel so safe with you. I don't mean physically safe but just… safe."

I can see she is struggling for the right words to explain her feelings to him. I'm impressed because this is not something she could have done a year ago.

"Look, you both are really saying you feel lucky that you have won the heart of the other. I think that's a good way to start a marriage." I see them both smile at me and then at each other.

I shift in my seat to get comfortable and to get prepared for the next topic of conversation. "I want to come back to the Bryce issue but not now. I have the feeling that that well become more apparent as we discuss other issues." I see Sarah take a breath and hold it. "Sarah, what I thought we could discuss is your background. Chuck needs to know the woman he's marrying right?" I am trying to keep it light. I see an expectant look on Chuck's face. Sarah's is unreadable.

"Sarah, why don't you start with childhood. Where you were born, grew up, went to school, your parents. And anything else along these lines that you want to share." I look at her closely and cannot help but feel sorry for her. Even with Chuck's assurances earlier she is still a wreck right now.

She looks in her lap composing herself. Then up to Chuck.

"I was born at Ramstein Airforce Base in Ramstein, Germany in 1979."

She looks back to her lap.

"My parents were David and Marie Woods. My father is career military.

"Woods? I thought you said Walker was your legal name?"

She looks back to him.

"It is…but not the name I was born with."

I watch the confused look on Chuck's face struggle with this new information. And then he starts to mentally see what she is trying to tell him.

"You were married?"

"I got married in 1997 when I was eighteen. My mother committed suicide when I was sixteen and I could not stand living in my father's home alone. So I married Lieutenant Jonathan Walker when he asked me, just before he shipped out for duty in Bosnia. He was an air force pilot just out of officers training. We knew each other for six months before we got married."

"Sarah, I don't understand. I thought you said that Bryce was the first man you ever loved?"

She smiled at him. Her face never leaving his.

"Bryce **was** the first man I ever loved. I married Jonathan to get out of my father's home. And although I didn't love him and told him so, we were good friends having spent hours talking about our lives and hopes and dreams. He loved me and said so. He said that I would one day love him back, and that he would spend the rest of his life, if need be, making sure that I fell in love with him."

Sarah then looked to me. It was as though she was asking for permission to continue. As much as I wanted to give it to her, I could not. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"We were married for three weeks before he shipped out. Since he was not sure how long he would be there, I stayed at Dover."

She looked at Chuck's concerned and confused face and then grabbed his hand.

"He was shot down and confirmed KIA on his first mission."

Chuck put his left arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. By the look on his face he was determined to comfort her through this.

"It's OK Sarah. It's OK."

I watched her take comfort from his words and his embrace. She then took another deep breath and pushed away from him.

"Uh, I told Jonathan that I did not love him and we would not sleep as husband and wife until I felt comfortable with it. He told me that was OK.

That happened on his last night stateside. I didn't really want to. I thought of him as a brother more than a husband. But I could not let him go off to war with the possibility of never knowing his wife in that way. We made love only once…but that was enough.

She once again stopped and searched Chuck's eyes, hoping that she would not have to say anymore and that he would know just by her expression. I saw another example of their connection when I saw the realization cross his face.

"You had a child?" he asked her amazed.

She could only shake her head. I knew from her file that this would be difficult for her.

"Yes, she was born eight months and twenty one days after her father was killed."

"I knew I didn't want to have any children so I had made plans to have it terminated. But Jonathan's parents had stopped by to see me. They were destroyed over the loss of their only child. So I made the decision to have the baby, put it up for adoption with the stipulation that the paternal grandparents would have access to the child."

Sarah looked relieved that she had told this much of the story without Chuck walking out on her or whatever her imagination allowed her to think.

"So, do you ever see him?"

"Her." She corrected him.

"Do you ever see **her**?"

"She lives in Charleston, SC. When I lived on the East Coast, I would sometimes drive down to Charleston and watch her play out in her yard. It always made me feel good knowing that no matter what I had to do in my life… that in Charleston, South Carolina, there was a little girl that I helped make. And she was happy, healthy and satisfied with her life."

I make a note of this statement. It will be material later on.

"A very good family adopted her and have been terrific with Jonathon's parents. That's how I know what's going on with her. They drop me a postcard every now and then."

"So you've never met her?" Chuck asked.

I realize that Chuck feels passionately about this subject from his expression and body language.

"No, I've always thought it best to keep out of her life."

"Bullshit."

Chuck stood up looking down at her.

"That's bullshit, Sarah. You're her mother. The one person in this whole world that can best understand her, how she thinks and looks at the world."

He sat back down calming himself as he did.

"Look, I know what it's like to lose my mother. So do you. She'll have a piece of that hurt everyday of her life unless she knows you…and understands why you did what you did."

Sarah was surprised by Chuck's outburst but seemed to handle it well.

"Chuck, I just don't think I'd have anything to offer her at this point."

"I'm amazed at how little you think of yourself sometimes. You're amazing, you're beautiful and I'll bet she is too. You're smart and fun to be with. And, you would have all the experience to draw from that you have received to guide her and help her. What more could she want?"

"Someone she knows."

"Don't give me that. Sarah, I can't force you to see her but it's the right thing to do. I know it, here."

He put his hand over his heart.

"Maybe, but we can discuss this now at the apartment. We'll see how it turns out."

I get the feeling that Sarah puts a lot of stock into whatever Chuck says when he tells her, _he feels it here_.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Chuck asks.

"I have one half sister and one step sister." Kellie is fifteen. My father and his second wife had her shortly after they married. My step mother's name is Karen and she had a daughter when she married my dad. Her name is Mary and she's twenty seven years old."

"Do you ever see any of them?"

"No."

Chuck looks at me exasperated.

"We're going to have plenty to talk about this week, I see."

Sarah looks at him seriously for a second before I notice the slightest trace of a smile brush her lips.

I look at my watch and tell them our time is up.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

**A/N: This is shorter than I intended but I start a new job for my company on Monday and I may be a little tied up for a while. I thought I would give you what I have. **

**A/N: I guess I need some constructive critisism. This chapter does not seem to be going over well. Why? Let me know what you don't like about it.**

Chapter Five

Emily Stevens

I look at my companions seated around the dinner table. For three people who are supposed to be friends it doesn't seem that pleasant at the moment. Sarah Walker is playing with her shrimp cocktail and occasionally looking at Chuck.

I don't think I've ever seen Chuck so at a loss for words. His mood is somber. Chuck is to my left and Sarah is across from me. To my right is my current part time partner and full time lover, Bryce Larkin.

Bryce called me this morning to tell me he would be in town and would like the four of us to go out for dinner and dancing tonight. I'm pretty sure neither Sarah nor Chuck wanted to go but could not find a gracious way to turn him down.

I know Bryce. He's up to something. I'm pretty sure Sarah would know that too. We started out talking about Sarah's new company and how well that was going and then to Chuck's company. Bryce seemed interested in some of the nerd speak that Chuck delved into. But soon enough Sarah asked what was going on with him.

"What are you working on Bryce? Anything I would be familiar with?"

"Uh, Sarah…you know I can't talk about that with you now. It's classified."

"What!"

"You're a civilian Sarah."

I watch Sarah shoot daggers at Bryce with her eyes. Chuck noticed it too and tried to ease the moment.

"Bryce, what brings you to LA? I assume not just to have dinner with you old-"

At that point it was obvious that Sarah kicked Chuck under the table.

He stopped what he was saying, looked at her intently and then said, "I was going to say _friend_."

Yeah, it was at that point when things went downhill. Even Bryce seemed to be uncomfortable which was a little unusual for him. Fortunately for us the entrées were served and the uncomfortable silence was masked by our eating.

"Sarah, I'm sorry but you should have known when you left the CIA you would be giving up access to classified information."

Bryce was bating her I thought. He leaned over to me and whispered into my ear.

"Follow my lead."

I didn't say anything but I did slip a bug in his sport coat pocket. I was pretty sure that he would be talking with either Chuck or Sarah alone. I was not about to let that happen without knowing what the conversation was about.

Chuck finished his swordfish first followed by Bryce then myself and finally Sarah with the T bone. The music had begun to play midway through the meal and I was pretty sure I knew what Bryce was going to do. Sure enough.

"Sarah, care to dance?"

She stuttered for a second, looked at Chuck then back to Bryce.

"Sure," she said it trying to be just a bit too nonchalant.

"Well Emily. Care to take a spin?"

"If you don't mind Chuck, I would like to have a social lubricant before venturing out." I really just wanted to watch Bryce and Sarah while I listened in on their conversation.

I watched Sarah being led to the dance floor by Bryce's left hand on the small of her back. I didn't bother to look if Chuck was watching. I knew that he was.

Of course, I think. Bryce always knows when to ask a lady to dance; the song was perfect for a slow dance. Looking at the two, I see Sarah with her right hand on Bryce's shoulder and her left hand on his waist. Bryce was being a little more intimate. He had both hands on Sarah's back just above her waist. They danced as though they had done this many times. They look very comfortable dancing like this. I wonder briefly how many times they've done it in the past.

Chuck was being very quiet just watching the former lovers on the dance floor. That was good because I could hear their conversation better that way.

"I guess I should thank you for the sting operation you guy's performed back in February. I doubt if I would have ever left on my won."

She was giving him an opening to discuss whatever he had come here to talk about. She knew as well as I did that that's why Bryce was here. To speak with Sarah alone.

"Yeah, that's really what I wanted to talk with you about. I agreed to the sting before I really knew what the purpose was. By the time I found out, it was too late. The last thing I wanted to do, Sarah, was to drive you out of the CIA and into marriage with Chuck."

I watch his left hand, the hand that Chuck can see clearly slide down just below her waist.

"If you don't raise your hand this dance is over."

I could hear the change in her tone. She looked quickly over at Chuck to see if he had caught Bryce's move.

He had.

"Sarah, you can't be serious about marrying Chuck? He's my best friend but you two are not right for each other. Surely you see that?"

"Bryce, first of all you have a lot to learn about being a best friend. I guess I should be flattered. You doing this. Coming to see if I really am sure about what I want. But you gotta know. Nothing is going to stop this wedding. Just so you understand, Chuck knows about my life prior to the CIA. That should tell you how serious I am."

Good for you Sarah, I say under my breath. So that's what all the whispering has been about since last night. I watch Bryce's body language stiffen.

"I see. Chuck's finally gone somewhere before me."

"That was tasteful Bryce. If that's all you want?"

"There is one more thing Sarah. I know you're on you way out but I could use some help on the Steffen Borkman case. I was hoping to steal you from Chuck for just two days."

"Bryce, no. I'm out."

So that is what this was all about. A last ditch effort to get Sarah to change her mind. The one man in Sarah's career that she did not bring to justice one way or another.

"Look, Sarah. I know you want Borkman. Two days…and you can get back to your suburban life."

No, Sarah, I say to myself. Don't even think about it. I can see that she is hesitating.

"I'll think about it."

"Don't think too long. Our window of opportunity is three days. Oh, and you can't tell Chuck about it. This is ongoing so it is still classified. You know how to get a hold of me if you want."

The music stopped and so did the dance.

On their way back to the table I hear Sarah say, "Bryce, I will not go with you on this Borkman thing. Not if I can't tell Chuck. My deal is this, if Chuck says it's OK then I'll go. If not, then Borkman gets away. Oh, I have to be back in six days at the latest. Chuck and I have got our decommissioning session. I don't want to miss that."

"Fine."

Bryce clearly did not like the turn of the conversation.

They get back to the table and before sitting down Sarah slips something into my hand. I can't believe it. It's the bug I slipped into Bryce's coat pocket. How did she know? We share a knowing smile once she is back in her seat.

"Chuck, I've got something to ask you. Bryce just asked me if I would go on one last mission before I'm out for good. I told him it was up to you. I'll do it if you're OK with it."

She looks pretty confident that she knows what Chuck's answer will be.

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me if I say yes you go and if I say no, you don't?" Chuck waited for Sarah to answer.

"That's right. You say no and I stay right here."

"No."

Sarah looks to Bryce with a look of triumph.

"I guess that's settled then. Why don't you take Emily with you?"

"You know why Emily can't do this. Chuck, this guy is a real bad guy."

"All the more reason for me to say no."

Bryce knew Chuck as well as any of us and he saw that Chuck was beginning to settle in on his answer. He knew if Chuck did that he would not be able to change his mind.

"Chuck, before you say no, let me tell you why only Sarah and I can take him down. We have a history with him. He believes we are a jet setting married couple that is rich and into an open relationship."

"Bryce that is part of my history that is supposed to be discussed with Dr. Carson. It's not fair for you to mention it like this."

"Sarah, you're the one that said it's up to Chuck. He needs to know the facts before he can decide."

Bryce then looks back to Chuck.

"Look, it's not dangerous at all. This Steffen really has a thing for Sarah and I want to lure him of this island which is a territory of Columbia. As long as he stays on the island we can't touch him."

"Bryce, are you out of your mind…open relationship, there's no way."

"Chuck, nothing like that has to happen. He just needs to see her and knows she's on the island to south. He won't be able to stay away. We'll nab him and eight hours later Sarah's back home."

"Chuck…this is the one person Sarah has failed to deliver on in her entire CIA Career. We can get him. I know it."

I look at Chuck and then Sarah. She is showing a hint of concern. She can see Chuck is considering it.

"You guy's would be back in three days tops?"

"Tops, Chuck, I appreciate this. Your country appreciates it and I will have Sarah back in no time. Come on Emily we have to go."

He must think I'm a fool if I'm going with him after this. "No, Bryce I'll be staying with Sarah tonight."

I saw that he knew that I knew…and didn't care.

"Suite yourself."

X-X

On the ride back to Chuck and Sarah's apartment Sarah was unusually quiet. Chuck had tried to engage her in conversation but all he got in response were one word answers to his questions. Just as he was pulling up to their apartment he had to ask.

"Sarah, are you upset with me? Did I do something wrong?"

She looked at him with eyes that were tired. Devoid of that spark I normally see in her.

"Chuck, I was out. I didn't have to think about missions and being perfect. I was out. Do you know what a relief that was to me. I can't just flip flop like this going from relaxed one minute to the kind of focus needed to succeed in that job. I thought you would protect me."

This was as open and honest as I had ever heard her. It was sad that her honesty was due to her heart being laid open by her fiancé, even if he was well intentioned.

"Sarah, I didn't know you didn't want to go. How could I have known? I'll call Bryce and tell him I've changed my mind."

"It's too late for that. You won't get a hold of him now."

Sarah glanced back at me as though she would rather not have this conversation in my presence but went ahead.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to leave the CIA?'

She waited for him to respond. When she saw that he wasn't going to.

"I'm going to have to go through that again. She looked at him briefly before opening the door. I feel like you've betrayed me."

I stay in the car and let them have some time alone. Sarah's heart was breaking. From my viewpoint it was foolhardy to make that bet with Bryce but she never expected Chuck to go along with Bryce's offer. I check the time and then pull out my phone.

"Director Graham, hello. Sir, I'm requesting a few more days of vacation. I'm going to stay out here with Chuck. I'm assuming you know about Bryce and Sarah going after Steffen Borkman. I know sir, it wasn't my idea. Yes that operation must have cost a lot of money. Hopefully it will all be over in the next three days. Yes sir, I know the odds of that. I'll be in touch."

X-X

The morning seemed grey. The coffee didn't seem to have much flavor and Chuck's eyes had lost their brightness. We're at his kitchen table. Sarah left over three hours ago, long before dawn.

"Emily, I feel awful. I know I've let her down. I just wish there was something I could do to make it up to her."

"Just be here for when she returns. Give her whatever she needs."

"I can't wait for the next three days to get over with."

"Chuck, about that. It may take longer than three days."

"What…Bryce said they would only be gone three days."

"How long did you work with the CIA? Chuck if they have a legitimate shot at bringing this guy in they will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes. I'm pretty sure that's what Bryce was counting on."

"But Sarah and I have an appointment with Dr. Carter next week. She can't miss that."

I can't help it, I let a sad laugh escape my lips and have to explain. "At this point Chuck; Sarah will be back when she delivers on the job."

It was a grey morning in LA.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Four

Chapter Six

Steffen Borkman

I really hate doing this. But what choice do I have. When John and Constance Petty turned out to be government agents, they left me with no options. I wonder if they are really married. I wonder what their real names are? I really don't care what his name is but Constance was amazing when we were together a few years back. I thought we had shared some pretty fantastic times together. She was so adventuresome; I will truly hate to kill her.

I don't want Irene to find out about Constance, she became a source for arguments between us. She suspected that I had fallen for Constance. I had to admit that I had thought on more than on occasion that I would kill John and take Constance with me. But…I knew she would never go along with that.

Going into my apartment, I see who I had known as Constance and John Petty tied up and sitting in my kitchen chairs. I doubt that that is their real names. Three of my men had guns drawn and were alert. We knew these two were dangerous.

They both watched me come into the room. I took my time enjoying the fact that I knew that they knew I held their lives in my hands.

"So tell me Constance, when we were together was it just a job for you or did you enjoy our time together as much as it seemed?"

"You want to know the truth? The first thing I did when I would get back to my hotel room is brush my teeth and take a shower to get the taste and smell of you off of me. It sometimes made me puke."

I walked to John and slapped him as hard as I could with my open hand. "I don't like your tone Constance. John here is going to know it every time I don't like your tone. Do you understand?"

Constance looked at John who was in obvious distress. "I understand," she said with much less defiance in her voice.

"Constance, don't worry about me," John said.

I slapped him again. "You don't talk…got it?"

He did not say a word.

"Good, now the first thing I want to know is your names? Your real names?"

"John and Constance Petty," Constance said.

I slapped John again as hard as I could.

We played this game of cat and mouse with numerous questions none of which were answered for almost thirty minutes before Constance began to crack.

"OK, don't hit him again Steffen. What do you want to know? I'll tell you if I can. Just ask something that you really want to know.

"Real names." Constance just stared at me. I walk over to John and slap him again. This time the sound he made tells me that he is really starting to hurt.

"Steffen, I am not going to tell you his or my name. You can kill him and me. You will not get that. What else do you want?"

"Are you together? I mean are you really married or lovers or are you just partners?"

Again she just stares at me. I walk back to John and draw back my hand.

"Wait…we were together the last time you saw us. We are not anymore."

Now this is interesting. If I play my cards right I just might get the information I want. "So when you were with me and John here was with Irene …did that cause any internal conflict between the two of you?"

"Yes."

I see she is not going to divulge more.

"Who do you work for? What agency?" I know she is not going to answer so John gets some more attention. By now my hand is starting to ache and I have one of my men do the striking. He is a bigger man than I and he hits John harder. I notice he is about to lose consciousness.

"Wake him up. I want him to feel this," I said as I looked at Constance. I decide that I hate John. Not only did he please my wife Irene, he also apparently had Constance's heart at one time. Something I thought I had as well. It hurt to know the truth.

But now it appears that John no longer has her heart. Is that because of him leaving her for someone else or her leaving him? I decide that it had to be her leaving him. That means that there is someone out there in this world, most likely the United States that Constance or whatever her name is, loves.

I decide as I look upon this beautiful woman, that I cannot live with someone else owner her heart. Not only would I kill her if I can't have her…I will kill whoever she loves. But to do that…I need a name.

I have my man start to work on John with real intensity. I can tell by the way John and Constance look to one another that they know their time is short.

"Sarah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you into this."

Constance looked at me to see if I noticed his slipup. She can tell that I did.

"It's OK…just try not to give up anything vital. Do the best you can."

"Well Sarah, I wonder where you're from? I wonder who you work for and I wonder if you're married in real life and if you are…what his name might be?"

"Sarah, tell Chuck I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

John was not quite unconscious and had given up a name that I saw from Sarah's face was important to her. "Chuck…I have a name, finally. You know with my contacts I will find out who you are and who Chuck is. When I do, I will not be as gentle with him as I have been with John here."

"You harm one hair on his head and I will find you. I will find you and rip your heart out of your chest. I swear to you Steffen that I will kill you."

Sarah's outburst told me that I had the right name it was just a matter of putting my resources to work. Once I had a name and location, I would make sure that Chuck was sorry that he ever saw Sarah.

"Take them to the warehouse. Get as much information from John as you can. Don't start on the woman until I give the order. I'll be by in a few hours. I have an important meeting to attend and when I'm finished with it I will see what progress has been made with my guests."

X-X

I walk into the warehouse where we have detained our guests. I look at John and then to Sarah. "Did we get anything before he died?' I never stop looking at the beautiful blond tied up to the same beam that the now dead government agent laid. I can see she is sad at John's death. I can see the hatred in her eyes. I know that if she gets the chance she will kill me and probably enjoy doing it.

"No sir. He died screaming but not a word otherwise. He just kept telling her he was sorry."

"How touching…that just leaves us with beautiful Constance, I mean Sarah then." I walk up to her and look into her eyes. She knows she's going to die. "Did you know how sorry I was when I found out about you? You realize I have no choice?"

She sat up a little straighter and took a deep breath.

"You can kill me fast or kill me slow. The only difference is the amount of time it takes."

I got to give her credit. She is not going to die whining. Suddenly as I look down at her, I think back to some of the most wonderful times I've ever had with a woman. I realize I can't kill her at least not now. If I can find this Chuck I will want her to see me kill him. "Make sure she is secure. Take her with us."

"You don't want to kill her?"

"No."

"What do we do with the other one?"

"Take him out in the boat…dump him in the ocean."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: A short chapter but this is all I want to say here.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Seven

Sarah

I feel a soft nudge on my shoulder. I hoped that the interrogations would not start so soon. When the nudge became more insistent I turn to see the face of Irene Borkman looking at me. She does not look happy. She looks at my clothing or lack thereof since I had been stripped down to my underwear I could see that she looked at my body. I am not sure if it was jealousy or something else I saw in her eyes. This woman is dangerous, I thought.

"I understand your name's Sarah," she said.

I just look at her. I see hate in her eyes. Steffen has taken his obsession of me to a new level and his wife must know that. I had always used that to my advantage in the past but now it appears that he has become disturbed.

"Constance or Sarah it really doesn't matter. Steffen only thinks of you. A few years ago I would have cared. Now, I just want out." She looks at me with an unusual expression on her face. "If I get you out of this room and you escape…can you take me with you?"

I doubt if I can do that but have no other choice. "Yes," I say with as much sincerity as I can manage.

"You'll have to kill him. He is trying to find out who you really are and where you live." She looked at me with hollow eyes and I think about the choices she has made in her life, some I know of and some I have to guess at. But they have led her here…to the point of wanting me to kill her husband.

"I'm sorry about John. I liked him. You know we didn't always have sex. There were many nights where all we did was talk. I think he tried to get me to see that I needed to leave Steffen back then. I just wasn't ready. I don't suppose you and Steffen ever spent the night talking?"

I looked at her evenly. "No, but I never enjoyed it." I couldn't tell if that made her happy or sad. I knew that Irene Borkman was one screwed up lady and even if she was to get off this island, she had little chance of happiness. I had seen so many people like her in my past. True victims, people that even if they were helped out of the hole they had dug for themselves, they would find a way back in.

Finally, she said what I did not want to talk about.

"Were you close to John? I mean you were supposed to be husband and wife. I overheard Steffen say that you just worked together. But did you care for him?"

"Once." I refused to say anymore.

She looked at me with those emotionless eyes. "Will you kill Steffen if I let you out?"

I only nodded my head not sure if my voice would sound believable. It must have worked, she handed me two paperclips and left.

Within five minutes I was out of the cuffs and peering through the door at the guard posted outside my room. He was a big man but with the element of surprise and this mop handle I had broken in two, I thought I stood a better than average chance to take his gun.

A perfectly timed mop handle to the throat later, as well as to the back of his head and I had his gun. I drug him into the room I had just occupied. So far so good, I thought. I was not familiar with this house and had to be very alert for more of Steffen's thugs. I came to a door and heard voices on the inside. As I stood at the door listening, I heard the name of someone that made my heart drop to my stomach. I opened the door just a sliver to take a quick peek. I look to see how many men were in the room. Five I counted. I had eight shots in the colt I carried.

I argued with myself on the best approach to handle this situation. But when I heard Steffen Borkman say inside the room I was observing.

"I want someone in LA by tonight and I want Chuck Bartowski dead by tomorrow. Is that clear?"

I did not waste any time. I went into the room firing. I took out the first three before I was hit the first time. I took out the fourth and that left only Steffen Borkman. As I took aim with eyesight that was clearly failing, I fired and felt a third round hit me in the abdomen. I lost consciousness not knowing if I had saved Chuck from Steffen Borkman or not.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: OK let me know what you think about this. Good and/or bad.

Chapter Eight

Emily Stevens

I can't believe this has happened. It has been three weeks since Bryce and Sarah left and no word from either of them. I've run out of vacation and have to leave tomorrow. Director Graham said that he would send another agent in to look in on Chuck until they hear word from Bryce or Sarah or find out their fate.

Chuck is a mess. I've heard him crying in his room at night on several occasions. Although I've tried to reassure him, I am beginning to suspect the worst.

X-X

My last morning. I have a 10:50 AM flight to Washington. I feel bad leaving Chuck here alone. I have come to know Chuck very well since Sarah has been gone.

We have developed a routine of morning coffee at 6:30 in the morning. Today is no different.

"I wish you could stay Emily. I'm afraid I'll go out of my mind without someone to talk to."

"Chuck, do not give up hope. Sarah has been in many situations that looked hopeless and yet she made it through."

"It's the not knowing. If I only knew she would be walking through that door at some point in the future I would be OK."

"If I can I'll try to get back this way before they send me back deep. I can't promise anything."

I see him smile, although it is tinged with sadness. I can see why Sarah gave up her life with the CIA for him. There's just something intangible about him. I watch his smile turn to a very pained expression.

"Emily, what if…you know, the worst has happened?"

"Chuck, don't even think that."

"Why not? It's a real possibility. You know better than I do what the likelihood that Bryce and Sarah are coming back are. I just can't believe I said it was OK for her to go."

With my hand on Chuck's door, my phone rings. The news is not good. I look at Chuck as I listen to the information being given to me.

We'll be there in thirty minutes," I say turning to Chuck.

He stands up with a look of hope on his face.

"They have found Sarah. She's been shot. Come on, there're taken her to Cedar Sinai. She should be there when we arrive." I was glad that Chuck did not ask about Bryce.

I worried about Sarah all the way to the hospital. I didn't say anything to Chuck. He was already worried enough. I knew Sarah had been shot more than once. Casey said that she was in bad shape. But he also said something that I didn't understand. He said it might be a good idea to keep Bartowski away from Sarah until after the Doctors talk with him. I didn't think that was going to happen as I looked over at him and dismissed the idea. He was a ball of nerves. I know he blames himself for allowing her to go in the first place.

We drove mostly in silence after I told Chuck that I didn't know the answers to his first ten questions. He finally just looked out the passenger side window until we pulled into the emergency parking lot at Cedar Sinai.

I had to run to keep up with him.

"What room is Sarah Walker in?' he said to the information desk lady.

"I'm sorry we don't have a Sarah Walker listed sir."

I step in. "You have a government agent in intensive care. Can you tell us where that is?" I showed her my CIA identification.

"Second floor, follow the signs to intensive care. Ask the nurse at the Nurse's Station about her. She should be able to help you."

Again I had to hustle to keep up with Chuck. Once in the elevator he fidgeted until the doors open at the second floor. Doing as we were instructed, we followed the signs to intensive care. Chuck hurried up to the main nurse's station and did not wait for any of the nurses to look at him.

What room is Sarah Walker in?" he practically demanded.

I flashed my CIA badge and they said 231.

"You can't go in there until the doctor clears every visitor." The head nurse said.

Chuck did not hear what she said because he was halfway down the hall. I stepped in once again and told the nurses that Chuck was her fiancé and that it would be OK for him to see her. They seemed to have reservations but my CIA identification seemed to dissuade their protests.

I followed behind Chuck and saw him standing outside the door of room 231. He had an absolute shocked expression on his face. By the time I walked up beside him, I saw that he was crying.

When I looked at Sarah I saw why. She was white as a sheet and her face was drawn. She was hooked up to a heart monitor as well as many other screens making sounds and flashing vital signs of various sorts. Sarah had an oxygen tube in her nose and seemed to be resting. She looked near death. I could only imagine what Chuck thought when he saw her.

"You go in and talk to her. I'll wait a while and join you then," I said trying to put on a brave face. Sarah had been injured in the past but this seemed life threatening in its severity. Her head was bandaged from a gunshot wound I was told. She was also shot in the abdomen and the leg. She had lost a lot of blood and it showed although she was getting a transfusion now. Casey said that she had attacked five men and killed them all. He said if she had waited five minutes she would have had ten agents to back her up. They had finally found were she was being kept and were on their way to rescue her and Bryce. It was too late for Bryce. It had been a long time since I had cried but losing Bryce even after the stunt he pulled with Sarah hurt.

I stood at the doorway and watched Chuck's slow approach to Sarah's bedside.

He stood looking at her for a while and then reached down and grabbed her hand.

She stirred and slowly opened her eyes to meet Chuck's watery stare.

"Chuck?" she said puzzled. "What are you doing here?" She pulled her hand from his.

"Where else would I be Sarah? We came over as soon as we could. How are you doing? Are you in pain? Is there anything I can do for you?"

I watched him hovering over Sarah and as he did she became more and more uncomfortable. I decided it would be best if I went to her. She was acting very strange.

"Hey Sare Sare, How are you doing?" I walked over to the opposite side of the bed that Chuck was on.

"Em, what are you doing here?" she asked ignoring my question.

"We came to see you." I looked over to Chuck to indicate that we were together. Sarah became still as if thinking very deeply. She looked at Chuck clearly confused not only by his presence but also by the way he was acting.

"How do you know Chuck Bartowski, Em?"

Don't kid around Sarah, you introduced me to him or rather you sent him to pick me up at the airport." It was after I said it that I saw the look on her face. Like malaises poured from a jar, I started to understand what was happening.

"Sarah, do you remember what your relationship is to Chuck?"

She looked at Chuck who smiled back at her. "We don't have a relationship. We've only been on one date."


	9. Chapter 9

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Nine

Dr. Carter

This couple cannot catch a break, I think as I watch them come into my office. This time they are very different people from the Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski I saw almost two months ago, smiling at each other and holding hands.

Chuck is very attentive but has reverted back to a hesitant approach with Sarah. For her part, she understands that she decided to leave the CIA and marry Chuck. She has told me personally that she likes Chuck but does not feel romantically involved with him. She thinks that he is a great guy. She still feels love towards Bryce, even though she knows he's dead.

This is clearly some kind of amnesia but its effects are so specific that its manifestation has to be the result of the wounds she suffered on her last mission.

I say last mission but for now everything is undetermined. Sarah and Chuck have gone back to his apartment, although they are not sleeping together. The thought is that the more she can experience of their former lives the more likely she will regain her memory. But she is on record as saying that she cannot marry Chuck if she does not love him. She does not want to leave the CIA as well.

There is no question in her mind that she is engaged to Chuck and that she was leaving the CIA. She has been told repeatably by people she trusts. Oddly enough, she is wearing the ring he gave her. That is what keeps him hanging on. That somewhere inside her memory is some sentiment that has attached itself to that ring and from that ring to him. That's how I imagine he thinks about it anyway.

As for Chuck, it is almost inconceivable the pain he is feeling. Against all odds, at least in his mind, he wins the heart of this unattainable secret agent and then before they can actually get married she looses her memory of him. Her only memory is of the first date they ever went on, before she even knew him.

"How did this week go? Any new memories Sarah?" I look from one to the other.

Sarah looks at Chuck to see if he wants to go first and then says, "Not really. I thought for an instant Tuesday morning that I remembered having sassafras tea with Emily, a friend of mine, but then it was gone. I could not remember anything." She looked at Chuck when she finished speaking.

"The thing is Doc that she did have tea with Emily right before her last mission. That's a good sign, right?" Chuck said he started to grab her hand but stopped when he saw her flinch.

"It's hard to say at this point. But any memory no matter how fleeting or nebulas is good."

"Sarah, have you had any feelings for Chuck or when you see him doing something you like in the apartment, do you ever think I love it when he does that or anything of this kind?"

I notice Chuck look towards Sarah with a hopeful expression.

"No, I can't say that that has happened."

"Have you tried kissing him or hugging him in more than a brotherly fashion?"

"No, I know you've suggested that we try that but the truth is that just creeps me out to think about it."

It occurs to me that Sarah has kissed many men she could not stand…why would kissing Chuck creep her out? I file that question away to be answered later. I know that there is something important about it.

I see Chuck's expression turn to anguish. I see that Sarah notices it too and she reaches over to lay her hand upon his. She cannot stand to see his pain.

"I'm sorry Chuck, I know that this is hard on you and that you love me and that we were intimate but I just…It's like none of that ever happened to me."

I notice that his feeling of despair gets worse as she talks. I also notice something for the first time that I had not noticed in the previous two sessions. Chuck's look of despair seems to have an effect on Sarah. When she sees that he is in this terrible state of anguish she seems to need to comfort him.

Maybe that is the first step to Sarah finding herself. To finding her way home. I decide to test my theory. "Chuck, what are you going to do if Sarah decides to call the wedding off and go back to her old job in the CIA?"

"Don't even say that Doc." He gets up and paces to the door and back. "I can't even think about that happening. I honestly don't know what I would do."

I watch Sarah Walker during Chuck's statement. Her level of agitation goes up dramatically as he states his obvious pain. This may be a vital link between them that I can exploit. As his handler, Sarah was responsible to protect Chuck. Because of his vulnerability her responsibility carried over to his emotional life as well. That need to protect him even emotionally seems to still be intact. This may be the key to unlocking the mystery of this amnesia.

"Sarah, I want you to try and have a nice romantic evening with Chuck one day this week. You are a government agent. You've kissed dozens of men that you did not like. I want you to kiss Chuck one day this week. I want you to try to remember kissing him in the past. Next week we will see how the week went."

"Doc that is not only hard for Sarah, but it is hard for me too. I know she doesn't want to kiss me and that she is only doing what she has been asked to do. Under those circumstances, it is hard to kiss her romantically. It seems more like a lab experiment."

For the second time this session I see Sarah lay her hand on Chuck. That did not happen before. Although it is still very early in the healing process, I think I see some improvement in Sarah's condition. I hope the next few weeks bare that out.

I realize that I have been focused on Chuck's internal torment and realize that Sarah is going through anguish of her own. She may not feel love for him but there is something below the surface that is drawing her to try to ease his pain. That's the catch twenty two she finds herself in. She has to ease the pain that she is responsible for.

Why would she find it creepy to kiss Chuck? And why would she feel something for Bryce Larkin that died almost three years ago. This was a very perplexing case.

"Sarah, let me ask you a question? What in your opinion is the chief difference between Bryce Larkin and Chuck Bartowski?" I realize that as soon as I say it that her answer will tell me a lot.

"That's easy Doctor Carter. One of them can be trusted while the other cannot."

I saw Chuck smile knowing that at least he was trustworthy. Both of us were shocked when Sarah continued.

"Bryce has always been someone you can count on in a pinch. Maybe not as good with the small stuff but when it counts he's there for you."

Her obvious implication was Chuck was not there for her when it counted. Things were starting to make sense. I needed to find a few more pieces to the puzzle and then I would understand better what was going on in that head of hers.

Chuck was devastated. I wish I had thought to ask that question early on but the blood was already spilled. Sarah saw once again that she had hurt him with her statement and tried to console him. This time he did not accept her attention.

I began to realize that I needed to start to make progress soon, as strong as they had been this situation would be too much for anyone to overcome. I saw the slightest crack in Chuck's psyche.

As the two left my office I hoped that I had what it took to repair the wounds the world had inflicted upon them. And…the wounds they inflicted upon each other.

This week might determine whether they could overcome the pain and obstacles set before them or whether they would fold before the storm of pain that they felt.

I found myself hoping for the best.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: We need a lighter chapter don't you think.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter 10

Emily Stevens

On my way to Chuck's apartment, I reflect on the time I've known him. When I first met him, I didn't even know if I liked him. Boy was my first impression wrong. I'm normally pretty good about sizing people up.

During those last three weeks that I spent with him waiting on word from Sarah, I really came to like him. I know he loves Sarah with his whole heart. It broke my heart to see her look at him as though he were a stranger. I know it broke his.

When Sarah prepared to leave the hospital, she thought she would get a place of her own. I was instrumental in talking her into moving back in with Chuck.

I give Sarah a call when I'm about two blocks from their apartment. When she answers I tell her that I am just outside. She tells me to just come in when I get there.

When I walk through the door my heart soars. There's Sarah and Chuck sitting on the couch. Sarah is sitting on Chuck's lap with her left arm around his neck. They both look so happy.

"I see we have definitely made some progress," I say with this huge smile on my face.

"Oh Em, I'm so glad you could stop by on your way to DC," Sarah said getting up from Chuck to give me a hug.

Chuck followed her and gave me a hug as well. I held him tight and rubbed his back. We held each others gaze for a second expressing the happiness we both felt. I am not sure but I thought I saw a puzzled look briefly cross Sarah's face as she saw our exchange.

"I don't want to say I told you so but…I told you so," I say smiling at her. "When did you get your memories back?"

Now it's my turn to watch a silent communication with just their eyes.

"She's hasn't really got her memories back Em." Chuck said calling me by Sarah's nickname. Only Sarah and now Chuck call me that. Sarah noticed that as well.

"I don't understand."

"We've been role playing. The last couple of weeks Dr. Carter has had us pretending for one night to be Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski, engaged couple."

My heart sank.

"We do everything that we did when we were together…well except sleep together."

I saw disappointment on his face as he said that. I turn to Sarah and search her eyes. "I don't know why you draw the line at your bedroom door Sarah," I say.

She smiled at me good naturedly.

"A girl has got to have her secrets," she says looking at Chuck with a teasing expression.

"Girl, you've told Chuck all your secrets a long time ago." I look at one to the other. I see a look of shock on Sarah's face. She knows she has slept with Chuck in the past. Somehow that knowledge was just a sterile bit of information that she hadn't really processed. But now that she was feeling a little closer to him, the knowledge of their intimacy took on a new meaning to her.

"The thing is," Chuck said with a hint of a smile that gradually turned into a huge grin. "Role playing day was yesterday."

I look at Sarah asking for an explanation with my expression.

"It's like this Em. I like being in love with Chuck, even if I don't actually feel those emotions here." She pointed to her chest.

I turned a puzzled expression from Chuck back to Sarah.

Chuck had set back down on the couch and was listening to us from there. Sarah turned and jumped back in his lap throwing her arm around his neck just the way she was when I first walked in.

"I like the way it makes me feel to have my arms around his neck. I know that sounds stupid." She finished talking but could not suppress her grin.

"Sarah, you know how I feel about you… the two of you?"

"I didn't at first but I do now. I get it."

I look at them both happy and clearly in love. She doesn't even know it yet but she's fallen in love with him again. He's captured her heart for the second time. My mind wonders off even though I can tell they are talking to me. The powerful thought that I have will not be denied. How many couples who love each other completely when suddenly one of them loses all memory of the other? How many could find their way home. Home to the person they love. I was thinking along these lines when I heard Chuck ask.

"How long can you stay?"

"I have to leave tomorrow night," I say a little sad that I can not stay longer.

I look back to Sarah and decide that I can help them yet again. "Sarah, I know this might be embarrassing for you but you should sleep with Chuck. And not soon, you should sleep with him tonight. I have not steered you wrong yet have I?"

She gave him a coy look. "We'll see," she said.

It was early and I know that everyone in the apartment wished it was time for bed. Even I was excited because I knew Sarah had already decided she would join Chuck tonight. But- we had at least three hours before that was going to happen.

Chuck went to make some dinner for us giving Sarah a chance to broach a subject that she had decided she needed to speak with me about since she saw Chuck and I hug.

"Em, when you stayed with Chuck while I was away. How did things go with you two?"

I knew what she was really asking. I shocked her by turning her world upside down. "Well Sarah, the truth is…we fell in love. The only reason I stopped by was to pick Chuck up on my way to DC." I just watched her face. She went from disbelief to very hurt to anger. When I saw her anger grow I knew I better not press my luck much further.

"Sarah, I'm just kidding. Chuck was so concerned about you he couldn't do anything but worry and cry himself to sleep." I looked at her and saw her start to calm down but the question remained on her face.

"Why did I just say those things? Because Sarah, you've fallen in love with Chuck all over again. Think about what you felt when you thought that Chuck had betrayed you. Pain right, pain in your heart, the kind of pain that only love can bring."

We ate and talked and laughed and then as it came time to go to bed, an air of hesitancy grew in the room. I was not going to allow her to back out because of fear.

"OK, you two get off to bed. I know where my room is. I'll turn the TV on just in case." I said as I pushed them towards the bedroom. "You'll thank me for this tomorrow,"

"Just put your arms around his neck and everything will follow from there," I yelled through the door at Sarah. I was laughing as I went into my bedroom.

X-X

I look at her over my coffee cup as I take the first sip. The smell of coffee in the morning always makes me feel good. Today, I don't need the coffee. I feel great just seeing the look in her eye. Chuck was still in bed and Sarah said she doubted if he would be up for a couple more hours. I look at Sarah again. If I were a great photographer this would be my one and only chance at immortality. Because setting across the table from me was the pure essence of a woman in love. I'm not sure that a camera can catch the texture, the mood, the look in her eye that you only saw with just the right angle. But I would love to take that picture.

"So…how was everything?" I ask not able to wait any longer.

She smiled at me. "Em…I don't have the words to thank you for what you've done for Chuck and me…mainly me. From insisting that I stay here with him… to last night. I will never be able to express my gratitude."

"All right all ready. Tell me about last night. How was it?"

The seriousness left her face as she smiled replaying the night in her mind. "Last night was special. It was unique is some ways. You tell me that I am in love with Chuck but I'm not sure that I feel that in my heart."

"Sarah, I don't know how you can say that. I can see it on your face. I'm not sure what you think you should be feeling."

"I know what I felt last night and it was amazing. The only thing I have to compare it with was when I was with Bryce. I always thought that was the best but this…this was…on a different level."

"Details," I say.

"Without getting too graphic, I could not let go of him. It occurred to me that I love hanging on to him. I want to remember to ask Dr. Carter if that could be some kind of symbolic act or something. But anyway, while we were making love I held on to him so tight. Like I was afraid of losing him again."

I could not believe that Sarah was talking about this so openly. But I listened with rapt attention. She suddenly smiled.

"You know why he's still in bed? Because he sure didn't get much sleep last night. I wish I could remember the three years that I've lost but even if I never do…I have decided that I want to go ahead with our original plan of getting married this fall."

"I'll marry you if I'm still alive," Chuck said as he walked to the coffee pot.

Sarah and I shared an amused smile before she got up to put her arms around his chest from behind.

"Good morning," she said and pulled him tight towards her.

I watched her lay her head on his back. My heart sang for her. I knew that they still had issues they would need to work out but if she could find her way back to him from where she was…then I knew they would find a way to make it work.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** OK, I'm throttling back just a hair as we prepare to go down a new path. Hope you don't lose interest. I would be very interested in knowing if I did lose anybody with this chapter.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Eleven

Robert Carson

When Sarah called me earlier this week to tell me the news that she and Chuck were going ahead with their wedding, I had mixed emotions. It was hard not to be happy for the former spy. She was practically giggling with joy. On the other hand, I am concerned about her trust issues with Chuck. Even though she cannot remember her three years working with and falling in love with him, she still has some issues that may be repressed but are not gone. I am afraid she will have to deal with her emotions sooner or later.

To that end I decide that I need to focus on the trust issues for the next few sessions and see where they end up.

I have the bottled water waiting on the table between us when they come into the room. They look like the couple I was seeing before Sarah went away on her ill-fated mission.

Chuck walked in first and Sarah had her hand resting on his shoulder as they came through the door. They were both happy. Chuck sat down first grabbed a bottled water twisted the cap and handed it to Sarah who accepted it with a smile.

"I understand that you have made some important decisions this week?"

"Yeah, Doc. They wedding's on, September 24th will be the big day."

"That's great, but I want to get into an issue that is not quite so pleasant. I believe it is very important that we talk through this." I watched them both take a deep breath expecting the worse.

"OK Doc but I got to warn you, it's going to take a lot to bring me down this day," Chuck said looking at Sarah.

I ignore his comment and his tone. "Sarah you are going to be at a disadvantage during this because you don't actually remember any of the conversations that took place or the way you felt about it." She just nodded her head.

"Chuck, I want to know why you let Sarah go away with Bryce on that last mission? It seems a bit incongruent with your previous behavior. I know from what I've been told that Sarah was very unhappy about your decision…So the question is, why did you do it?"

Chuck looked at Sarah who had become distinctly uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation. "I've had a lot of time to think about it Doc and I'm still not sure that I will give a coherent answer." Chuck looked at his hands in his lap. "The thing is I thought Sarah would want to go after the one guy that she failed to bring to justice. I thought that it would be safe and I thought that if she wanted to go off with Bryce, I would rather find out about it now rather than later."

I look to Sarah for a response.

"I don't remember anything about that night. I just know that Bryce died horribly and I try not to think about it. Emily tells me that she and Bryce were together and that after the four of us had dinner, Bryce made an obvious move to try to get me away from Chuck on this mission. She said that he thought if he got me back into an adventure that I might change my mind about leaving the agency."

"And you didn't see what Bryce was up to Chuck?"

"No, Bryce was my friend and I didn't know he carried a torch for Sarah. Had I known that, I would not have allowed Sarah to go and Bryce would still be alive."

I watched Sarah unconsciously pull her hand away from Chucks. She harbored some mixed emotions in the least and possibly more than that. I know it is important to get to the bottom of this.

"Sarah, I want you to think about that night. Bryce actually deceived Chuck into thinking this would be another mission when in fact he was trying to steal you away from his best friend…that doesn't sound very trustworthy. And yet, you've repeatably described Bryce as trustworthy and Chuck as undependable. That appears to be the opposite of what everyone else's opinion is. How would you explain that?"

"I don't know how to describe it. It's just the way I feel about it." She looked at Chuck. "I wish I didn't."

"You see Sarah, that's an unusual response from my point of view. You clearly love Chuck…and yet you describe him as undependable…" I take a moment to collect my thoughts. "Can you describe to me the difference between the way you feel about Bryce and the way you feel about Chuck. You say you love them both."

Sarah is quiet for a moment and I watch a slow, puzzled expression capture her countenance. She starts to speak and then stops to think some more.

"What I feel for Chuck is love. I know that. But…I'm starting to see that my feelings for Bryce is something different. More like excitement."

"You know Sarah you once told Chuck that Bryce was your ideal of a man. You described him as exciting. It occurs to me that that is also a good description of the job you are giving up for Chuck. Do you think it's possible that Bryce is a stand in for what you feel about your job. Is it possible that what you think is love is really a feeling of excitement, the adrenalin coursing through your veins. Is that possible?"

I watch Sarah put her face in her hands thinking about what I have asked her to think about. She is clearly in distress. "I don't know," she whispers.

"The technical term for what I described is transference. It happens all the time." I look at her and see she needs a break.

I decide that we need to move on. "Chuck, Sarah tells me that Devon and Ellie will be back in town next week and you guys are going out to eat with them over the weekend. How longs it been since you've seen them?"

"They've been gone for six weeks. Doctors Without Borders is a great organization."

I nod my head in agreement.

"Sarah, how do feel about meeting Chuck's sister and brother in law?"

"I'm nervous, although Chuck has filled me in on our history. It seems as though I'm meeting them for the first time.

"That must be a hard thing to overcome."

"I'm getting use to it, if it weren't for Emily though I am not sure if Chuck and I would be together yet."

"How's that?"

"This is a little personal Doc but Emily was the one that gave me that nudge which made me decide that I would sleep with Chuck."

"I don't understand? What does that have to do with…"and then I see what she is trying to say. "I see. You have been living with Chuck for a number of months obviously enjoying a sex life. Then you lose your memories and when you fall in love with Chuck again and want to sleep with him, it is like the first time for you."

"But for Chuck it was the first time in a couple of months," she said finishing my statement for me.

"If your comfortable with it tell me a little more about this experience. First of all, did it spark any memories for you?"

"No, not memories but I did get that feeling of déjà vu. When Chuck and I were together, I held on to him so tight. It seemed as though for a split second that I had done this before, with Chuck I mean."

"That's good news, Sarah. That may be the start of your memories returning."

She just smiled at me. I got the distinct impression that Sarah would be just fine if they never returned. Although I knew better. She had some demons she needed to exercise.

I look at the clock. "Our time is about up. Anything pressing we need to discuss before we call it quits?"

"Yeah, Sarah and I have had this argument going on since we've decided to get married again." Chuck looks at her with a comforting smile. "I want to invite her family to the wedding and Sarah is unsure about it."

"Why don't you think it's a good idea to invite your parents Sarah?"

"It's not my parents, it's my dad and his wife."

"Same question?"

"I haven't said three words to my dad in the last ten years. It just doesn't seem right to just send him a wedding invitation out of the blue."

"I agree with that. I think we need to go see him. Sarah this is your dad. He should be a part of your life. Not to mention the other members of your family."

I see that Sarah is mortified by the idea. But Chuck is a source of strength for her. Slowly but surely, I see her start to consider the idea of a trip out to Maryland to visit her father, her step mother, a step sister and a half sister.

There's no doubt in my mind as I look from one to the other, that within the month they would be taking that trip. I hope it works out for the best.

"Times up. See you next week."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I didn't have time to edit. This is just how I wrote it. Hope I don't have too many mistakes.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Twelve

Chuck Bartowski

The other passengers on board the plane probably think Sarah is a white knuckle flyer. Nothing could be further from the truth. The miles she's logged over her ten year career would make all but seasoned road warriors pale in comparison.

No, what's got Sarah nervous is a visit to someone she hasn't seen in almost twelve years. Someone that I have never heard her speak of in the three years we've been together. Someone that I insisted we visit before our wedding.

I'm not sure why she's nervous. I don't know if maybe I have a reason to be nervous too. It doesn't matter, this is the right thing to do and I know she will feel better about it after she sees her dad.

But deep down in the pit of my stomach, I am dealing with my own set of nerves. My nerves don't stem from a visit to her father's house but rather to a visit to her in-laws house. I couldn't believe that they lived less than an hour away from each other. But when Sarah told me, I insisted that we visit them as well. They should be invited to the wedding too, even if it would be a little awkward.

I looked to Sarah and saw that she was trying to sleep. I knew her too well. I saw that she was just resting. I know the expression on her face when she is asleep. But her silence gave me time to think. We had had a pretty exciting three weeks and it gave me something to think about during the long flight to the opposite coast.

First of all, Devon and Ellie had returned from their mission with Doctors Without Borders. Of course she knew of Sarah's condition but she was still shocked that Sarah did not recognize either of them. Ellie cried at one point which made Sarah cry. Ellie engulfed Sarah in her arms and held her tight. Sarah told me later that she could feel that Ellie really did love her.

Sarah had been Ellie's bridesmaid and Ellie reminded her of that. The two of them going through the pictures of Ellie's wedding. They talked for c couple of hours, mostly about the wedding but occasionally their voices would drop and I knew they were talking about me. We had a great time that night but nothing was said that brought back any memories from Sarah.

On our way home, Sarah cried. She knew that she had lost significant moments of our time together but we were creating new moments all the time. Sarah realized just how much of her life she had lost after talking with Ellie.

For some reason that got me thinking about Sarah's trip to the doctor last week. I didn't want to think about it but I could not help it. She went to follow up on her injuries from her last mission. We went in to talk with the doctor in his office.

"Sarah, you have a clean bill of health. Physically you're back to normal. Besides the amnesia that continues there is only one other issue you need to know about.

We both just looked at him. Finally, Sarah said, "yes."

"Sarah, there is no easy way to say this so I'll just say it plainly. When you were shot in the abdomen, your uterus was damaged severely. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to have children."

We looked at each other, neither of us knowing just what to say.

"Sarah, I'm so sorry," I say stunned. I am trying to keep the tears from my eyes.

"No, Chuck. You're the one that wanted children. And I thought I would be the one to give them to you."

"Miss Walker. There are other methods now days. There's a good chance you will have children one day."

"I already have a child," she said.

It was at that moment that I knew I had to make sure she took steps to get to know her daughter. Because this would be the only child she gave birth to. I wasn't sure how I would do it but I knew that I would have to try.

I did not let on to Sarah because she was in enough pain the way it was. But… I was devastated that Sarah would not be able to have my children.

My heart cried about the injustice of it all. Later, when I was alone and felt completely responsible for allowing her to go on that last mission with Bryce, I broke down once again. I was a complete idiot and the fact that Sarah and I would never have children together would always remind me of the mistake that I had made.

It was while I was having these dark thoughts that I felt the warm touch of her hand on mine. It was as though she knew that I needed her touch and was there for me.

"Everything OK?" she said. She had forgotten about her nerves to make sure that I was doing OK. Another reason why I absolutely adored this woman.

We finally landed at Ronald Regan and picked up our rental car. Of course I had to have the mustang which caused a number of comments for my beautiful fiancé. I chose the mustang for two reasons; first, I loved to drive them. They are my favorite car, and secondly, I knew she would have to ride me about my choice of cars which would keep her mind off of visiting her father.

We drove almost two hours from DC to Pikesville, Maryland and the closer we got the higher my heart rate became. I don't know why I'm so nervous about meeting the parents of her deceased husband but by the time I park in their driveway, I can swear she can hear my heart pounding.

"Don't be nervous Chuck," she said as she took my hand and rang the doorbell without hesitation.

I wipe the palm of my hands on my pants to get rid of the sweat. I am just about ready to do it again when the door opens. I am looking at an attractively lady in her mid to late fifties. She smiles warmly at Sarah and then at me and I start to feel better.

"Oh Sarah, let's have a look at you," she said as she pulled Sarah into the house by both hands. "You look absolutely fantastic." She stood holding Sarah's hands smiling at her with obvious love in her heart for the wife of her long dead son.

It brought tears to my eyes as I thought about the reason that Sarah and I are together can be tied to the fact that this lady lost her son in some stupid conflict that people won't even know why it happened in twenty years. It made me feel undeserving of Sarah in some way. Someone else had married her before I had even enrolled in Stanford. Not only did he marry her but their shared a child together. A child he never knew.

"Come in and sit down. Let me get Paul, he's in the garage." She left the room and Sarah and I took a seat on the couch.

"Chuck, relax. Everything will be OK. Eve and Paul will be happy for us. I'm telling you."

I smile at her and nod my head. Before I can say anything I hear them coming back into the room.

"Just look at her Paul. Doesn't she look beautiful?"

Paul walked over to Sarah who had stood up and he gave her a huge bear hug. She laughed as he picked her up in the air. Paul was approaching sixty years old I estimated but he was a big man and obviously strong by the ease with which he lifted her in the air.

"Paul, Eve, I want to introduce you to Chuck Bartowski…my fiancé."

They both looked at me with wide eyes and as if perfectly synchronized, they both broke into huge smiles. "Well, Chuck you must be one special guy. Sarah has very high standards and if she has chosen you to spend her life with it says a lot about you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Walker." I didn't know what else to say.

"Eve, I don't know why but Chuck has been pretty nervous about meeting you." Sarah got up from the couch. I see that she is completely at ease with these people. She walks over to the fireplace mantel.

I notice that there are a number of pictures over the mantel. Sarah is going to look at them. The Walkers get up to join her.

I follow them to the pictures. Sarah picks up a picture of an air force pilot in full flight gear and looks at it for a moment then smiles at me and hands me the picture.

I look at the man smiling at me. He's very handsome. Kind of like Bryce Larkin in a way. As I look at the picture I think that lieutenant Jonathan Walker is smiling directly at me. As if to say, _take good care of her_. I mentally assure him that I will spend everyday of the rest of my life trying to live up to his expectations. I know this is a conversation that I will never share with Sarah. This is between the two men that have and will call her wife.

Having said the things we needed to say to each other, I hand the picture back to Sarah and smile. She looks at me trying to discern what I am thinking. It occurs to me that we know each other so well that it is hard keeping secrets from each other. She sensed some exchange between Lieutenant Walker and me. I knew she would never ask me about it unless I volunteered the information.

Eve had picked up a picture at the end of the mantel and brought it over to show Sarah. "Here's the latest School picture of Mary, fifth grade you know."

Sarah took the picture and moved it so we could both share it.

I am amazed.

I am looking at the exact copy of Sarah Walker, just nineteen years younger. Her long blonde hair and deep blue eyes are exactly like I imagine Sarah's to be at that age. Her eyes are just like Sarah's in another way too; they reach out a grab you making it difficult to look away from them. My heart practically leapt out of my chest. I know as I look at her that Sarah would have to see her as well before we get married.

"Can we have a picture of Mary?' I asked tentatively. I watch as a slow smile spreads across Eve's face and her eyes fill with tears and then runs over onto her check.

"Of course you can." She looks at Sarah. "I never could get Sarah to take one."

"Mrs. Walker," I hesitate not knowing how to say what I want to say. Finally, "Do you think if Sarah ever wanted to meet Mary that her parents would object?"

"Chuck," Sarah said uncomfortably.

"Sarah, we've talked about this. I think it is absolutely essential that Mary knows her mother." I look at Eve. "Do you think Mary's parents would be OK with Sarah meeting Mary?"

"I know they would. We've talked about it before. All Sarah has to do is ask."

Sarah looked frightened.

"Sarah, I know this is hard for you but you have to see Mary before September. I just feel it. We have to do it."

"We'll talk about this later," she says.

Sarah and I talk with the Walkers for over two hours. I get a number of stories about their son and a few about how much he loved Sarah. I know that is another thing we have in common.

Before I knew it, it was time for us to leave. Sarah was right, I really liked the Walkers and they made me feel very comfortable in their home. I know too that I scored a big hit with them when I asked for the picture of Mary and then I sealed the deal by asking if Sarah could see Mary.

As we left their house, Eve Walker told Sarah that she would talk with Mary's mother and see if there would be any problem with Sarah and I coming out for a visit before school started in mid August.

We got in the car and I saw Sarah immediately grow more uncomfortable. It was now time for her to be in the fishbowl.

We were on our way to see Major David Woods.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thanks everyone for the great ideas and suggestions. I hope you like this chapter.

Chapter Thirteen

Chuck Bartowski

The drive to Bethesda was quiet and tense. I tried to keep the mood light but Sarah was having no part of that. I had never seen her this uptight before, which is saying something because Sarah can get uptight.

"Sarah, I got to ask. Why are you so nervous about meeting your father?"

She took a quick look at me and seemed displeased that I had distracted her from her thoughts. "He was this horribly strict disciplinarian. He was cold and distant; I don't think I can remember him telling me or my mother that he loved us. He would be gone for months at a time and then come back and take charge, changing everything that we had done. And he was always moving us from one air base to another." She stopped for a second and then continued.

"It was always hard for me to make friends. I was a little shy and just when I would find a friend it seemed like he would always move us. It seemed to me at the time that he knew somehow and planned it."

I think about how Sarah is a little reserved when she meets someone new, at least when she is not on the job. That is totally different. I can see that this would be hard on her.

"Yeah, but I know a lot of strict fathers…that's no reason not to see them every once in a while. How long has it been?"

"I haven't seen him since I got married."

"What? That was over twelve years ago. You mean to tell me you've not been back to see your dad in twelve years?" I look at her as she nods her head. "Why?"

"When I told my dad that I was marrying Jonathan he went ballistic. He told me I could not marry a man I didn't know. And that I was being rash and stupid. When he couldn't make me change my mind he said that if I married Lieutenant Walker, not to step foot in his house again." She looked at me seriously and continued. "So I didn't. In fact I haven't spoken one word to him since."

I am in shock. I didn't know how dramatic the gap was in their relationship. When I contacted the Woods' to set up this meeting I talked to Sarah's step mother and never understood the situation between Sarah and her father.

"How will you're father react to our coming out to visit and inviting him to our wedding?"

"I honestly don't know. If it weren't for the fact that I saw that it meant so much to you I would have never agreed to do it."

I feel horrible. I'm afraid that this meeting with her father may not go as I had anticipated. I would feel like a real louse if Sarah leaves her father's house in tears. I take a deep breath and decide that I will do whatever to make sure this goes as smoothly as possible.

"Do you talk with your step mother and sisters?"

"I call on birthdays and leave messages. I always call when I know their out. I also call on Christmas and leave a message then too."

I can't believe how sad this is. Sarah calls her dad on Christmas and because of Caller ID, no one picks up the phone and just listens to her wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I start to get mad. I look over at the wonderful woman riding in the car besides me and my eyes begin to tear up. This isn't right. This must be fixed. She was just eighteen when she left home, surely her father can find it in his heart to forgive her. If he doesn't, he's going to know what I think of him.

I think about the Christmas days I've spent with her and wonder when she placed that call before or after she came to my house. I never picked up on her being sad and I was pretty good at reading her emotions towards the end of our working relationship.

I am grateful that Ellie and I were able to stand in for her real family and provide a place and people that loved her. I steal another look at her and use all the willpower I have push away these feelings of sadness for Sarah.

I look at the clock in the car and see that it's 3:30 PM and we have about thirty minutes before we hit Bethesda.

The thirty minutes go by fast with no talking between Sarah and I. I was afraid of discovering something else that would be even harder to deal with than what I had just learned.

As we pull up to her father's house, I see her take a deep breath. She puts her hand on the car door and I reach over and grab her arm.

"No mater how this goes, you can count on one thing. I will never ever stop loving you?" She gave me that smile that I would climb Everest for and opened the door of the car.

I look at the house as we exit the car and see a two story colonial. It reminded me of the house on My Three Sons that I use to watch on the rerun channel as a kid. The second one not the first. He lived in an affluent neighborhood.

We walked to the front door of her father's house with my right arm around her waist. This time she took a deep breath before pushing the doorbell. I actually saw a little hesitation as her finger moved forward towards the button and I know that unless I was there beside her she would never have done it. We wait for the longest five seconds in the history of man. Neither one of us took a breath. With a jolt I hear the doorknob turn.

"Sarah, come in…and you must be Chuck? I'm Karen Woods."

"Pleased to meet you Mrs. Woods."

I smile and walk inside behind a very awkward and stiff-moving Sarah Walker.

"How was your drive? The traffic can be horrible at times."

I look to Sarah to see if she is going to reply. I wait… and wait. "The drive was fine. The traffic was nothing like the expressways in LA."

"Well have a seat. I'll go get David."

I watch Karen Woods walk away. She seems nice but I see that she is wondering why we have come out to Maryland to visit them.

I reach over and grab Sarah's hand and give it a squeeze for reassurance. She practically crushes my hand as Karen Woods walks back into the room followed by her husband.

I stand to greet Sarah's father and she stands with me.

"Chuck Bartowski sir, it's an honor to finally meet Sarah's father." I say as I extend my hand. He gives me a very firm handshake and I reply with the same.

"Military man?" he said as a question.

"No sir. I went to college and have been working ever since." I notice that he has not once looked at his daughter.

"Oh, to bad."

I see he is a man of very few words. "Your house is very nice." I kick myself not knowing what else to say.

"Don't beat around the bush Bartowski, you came two thousand miles to tell me something. What is it?"

"Uh, well sir, I came to…we came to tell you that we're getting married this September and we would very much like for you to be there."

He walked to the kitchen table and sat down. I pulled Sarah's hand and together we followed him. His wife Karen followed as well.

He looked at Sarah for the first time. "How long have you known him?"

"Three years."

She looked to me as though she was being interrogated. I had never seen her like this. But then, I had never met her father before.

"Well at least that's something," he said. He then turned back to me.

"Where did you meet my daughter?' he said.

Sarah was still holding my hand and I knew she would call me off of any potential wrong path I might take. "We met at work sir." I looked at her but could not tell if she was OK with this much honesty or not. I decided that I would be as honest as I could and we would see where that took us.

"Work uh. Are we talking the banking business that she's supposedly involved in?"

There was the squeeze on the hand. My only problem was I didn't know what she wanted me to say. I just knew that she was telling me to be careful. But then I looked at his eyes. He knew she did not work in the banking industry or at least he suspected strongly that she did not. He was a military man. He knew the various agencies that existed and I saw that he suspected her of working for one of them. I saw him sneak a look to Karen. She did not know. I would have to be very careful.

"Yes, we met while working together. Sarah's very good at what she does and was assigned to look over me in a way and that's how we got to know each other."

"I thought that there were rules against people working for the same company being married."

"Oh, you mean nepotism honey," Karen chimed in clueless.

"Yes well Sarah and I actually worked in different departments and after a while it was OK for us to start dating."

"Different departments?" he said.

There's the squeeze on my hand again. "Yes sir," I said glancing at Mrs. Woods. "Sarah works in the department that takes care of problems; she is a trouble shooter if you know what I mean." I look at Sarah and decide I am not going to pass up this opportunity. "I don't know if you know it or not but Sarah is highly thought of back at work. She is one of the best trouble shooters the company has." I saw a look of pride blast into his eyes. He looked at her for an instant and then it was gone.

"And what department do you work in?"

"To be honest sir, Sarah and I neither one work for that company anymore. We run our own businesses. She has a consulting business in the trouble shooting area and I have a software development company. We are doing pretty well between the two of us."

"So you're some computer whiz or something like that?"

"Yeah, I'm in the technical end of things."

"Why did you quit?"

"The thing is sir, in that line of work; it is very difficult to have a committed relationship. Trouble shooters like Sarah are always on the move and the commitment the company demands of them is…" I don't know how to say this to her father. "Are personally challenging, especially if you're in a single relationship. I looked into his eyes and saw that he understood what I was saying by the swell of tears I saw.

He looked at Sarah for the first time with compassion in his eyes. "And did you have to display this type of commitment for the company during your time with them?"

I looked at Sarah and saw that she was about to sob. She had not wanted her father to know any of this I am sure. I disagree though thinking that he needs to know what a special person his daughter really is. I speak for her.

"Sir, Sarah was considered one of the best trouble shooters in the industry. She was able to find and eliminate many very troublesome problems. She did have to sometimes use strategies that would test her own character. I am just now learning about some of this. I guess what I am trying to say is that you should be very proud of your daughter. The people at the highest levels in the banking industry know who she is and what she has done for her country and I can tell you they are proud of her."

He had tears in his eyes. What father would not have tears in his eyes after learning what David Woods had just learned about his daughter. I was feeling pretty good about the way things were going when Sarah's father asked her a direct question.

"When you worked with Bartowski here, did he carry his own weight?"

Sarah was dumbstruck, she did not know what to say. "That's a really hard question for me to answer daddy." I can tell by how she calls him daddy that she is begging for him to be OK with her answer when she knows he will not be.

"Well either he did or he didn't. Which way is it?"

"Sir, on Sarah's last…uh…assignment for the bank, she was hurt." I look at her for a second before continuing. "She received a pretty hard blow to the head. The thing is sir she doesn't remember anything about our three years together."

I saw David Woods' eyes turn black. He stood and addressed her directly.

"You mean to tell me that you've come here two times in the last twelve years and both times to tell me you're getting married to some guy you don't really know?"

He slammed his hand on the table, hard. "You can't marry this guy, you don't even know him!"

Now I am getting mad. He doesn't know anything about what Sarah and I have been through. The things we've had to overcome to be together. Who is he to judge Sarah and I. He hasn't seen her in the last twelve years. I stand up.

"With all due respect sir, you don't know what you're talking about. Sarah knows me better than anyone else alive. I think I know her just as well. You don't know what those three years were like for us. Not being able to show how we felt about each other. Never knowing for sure how she felt about me. And if you have doubts about me or my character…just ask me anything you want to know. I'll be more than happy to discuss the issue with you." I was still mad but my temper was starting to ebb.

I saw fire in his eyes. He was not use to anyone standing up to him. But then just as quickly I saw that fire turn to respect. He sat down and looked at Sarah. Pursing his lips together, he started to shake his head up and down.

"Twelve years ago when we had this same conversation, Lieutenant Walker did not have the backbone to stand up for you. I didn't like that. I didn't like the fact that you didn't know him either."

"David, not all marriages that are rushed into end badly. Some are very strong," Karen said to her husband.

I knew at that point that what was at the heart of Sarah's father's concern was that she would rush into a marriage like her father had done, most likely, and have it end like his…in disaster. I doubt if he ever went to counseling and this was one thing that tore at him in the privacy of his own thoughts.

"Bartowski here seems like a good man," he said contemplating me. "I hope you are happy together."

Sarah stood and went to hug her father. He met her half way and they embraced fiercely. As the seconds wore on I saw they both were sobbing with happiness. A father for the return of his prodigal daughter and a daughter for her only parent.

"I understand that Sarah has two sisters. I was hoping to meet them before we go back to LA?"

"I'll call them now. They're out shopping but are hoping to get this call," Karen Woods said with a genuine smile on her face. "When do you have to fly back?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Where are you staying?"

"We have a room at the Radisson across town."

"Absolutely not. You're staying here tonight. We have an extra bedroom and the girls will want to spend as much time with you and Sarah as possible."

Sarah and her father had stopped hugging but had started all over again.

Fifteen minutes later, Sarah's sisters came into the house. We were in the living room talking about the wedding when they hurried into the room. Kelly was Sarah's fifteen year old half sister and it was obvious that she was anxious to meet her older sister. Maryann was equally pleasant. I had never seen Sarah as happy as she was tonight. She was marrying the man she loved. And…she had returned to her family.

Things began to look like they were turning our way. Now there was only one loose end. A very significant loose end. I looked at Sarah smiling, talking to her sisters about her car back in LA and I know that only about two hundred miles to the south is the rest of Sarah's family. I know as I look at her, that this final hurdle will not be easy for her. In fact, in many ways it will be the hardest hurdle of all. But for the first time since I've known Sarah, I feel as though we are destined to be together. And I know that if anyone on this planet deserves a large slice of happiness, it's Sarah Walker.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: OK, we're back on the rollercoaster again. Hang on to your hats. Just a few more chapters left.

I want to thank Sarahlisawalkerfan for the heads up on the horrible grammar. I apologize to the first 50 people who read chapter 13. I'm embarrassed. I post pretty quick and just do one edit beforehand. I don't know how I missed everything that I missed. Sorry.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Fourteen

Robert Carson

"Sarah, this is somewhat unusual. Why do you want to do this without Chuck?" I don't like the way she looks, almost as if she is ready to bolt and never be seen again. I've seen that look of desperation on her before.

"Dr. Carson, I just needed to talk with you about a couple of things that are bothering me and it would hurt Chuck if he were here. I am tired of hurting him every time I turn around."

Good, I think. At least she isn't thinking about leaving town. "OK Sarah, what is it you want to talk about?"

She takes her time straightening the hem of her shirt as the thinks about how to begin.

"First of all, you know about the last four weeks. Chuck has single-handedly reunited me with my father and my in-laws or former in-laws. I don't really know what to call them now."

"I'm sure they won't mind you calling them you're in-laws," I said and watched her smile at me.

"The thing is Doctor Carson; Chuck has made contact with the parents of my daughter and has scheduled a time for us to meet her. I'm excited and scared at the same time."

"And when is this meeting taking place?"

"August fourteenth. I know in the back of Chuck's mind that he would like for her to be in our wedding but I think that is asking way too much of a soon to be eleven year old."

"Let her make that decision," I suggest.

"You see Doctor Carson, Chuck has been absolutely wonderful to me. If I started now and worked for the rest of my life I could never repay what he's done for me."

"I doubt that he expects you to repay him."

"That's not the point…the point is, all he gets from me is heartache. That's all anyone that I love gets from me. The one thing that I am no good at is relationships."

I saw that she was becoming more and more anxious as she was getting to the climax of her point.

"You know Doctor Carson, the very night we got back from our trip to Maryland to see my father, Chuck and I made love. It was absolutely fantastic, at least to a point.

Do you know that in the throws of ecstasy I almost screamed out Bryce Larkin's name? Why would I do that?" I know that I do not love Bryce Larkin. I have not for three years, I love Chuck Bartowski. But the very night that he did the most wonderful thing that anyone could do for me…reuniting me with my father, I repay him by almost calling out Bryce's name while we make love."

She has tears in her eyes. I understand now why she wanted to speak with me alone.

"Doctor Carson…I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I will end up hurting the man I love by staying with him. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time. But what choice do I have. I can't run away. Even if I could bring myself to leave him in the middle of the night never to be heard from again, that would hurt him too. The fact is I can't do that even I wanted to. I am truly committed to this man."

I just look at her.

"So while my loving fiancé continues to love me and do these wonderful things for me, it seems that it is only a matter of time before I hurt him to the core."

She looked at me and as I look back at her I know that I have seen true desperation. Desperation so deep that it consumes you, smothers you, takes your ability to think clearly. Sarah's desperation comes from the fact that she can not leave Chuck. She needs him now as much as he needs her. But on the other hand, she's afraid that one day she will cut him to the quick. That she will destroy the thing she loves the most. As I watch her tears fall from her eyes, I realize that I don't have an answer for her. I wish I did. But I do have hope. We have made real progress but I doubt if either Sarah or Chuck are aware of it. I do the best I can for her at this time.

"Sarah, we've talked before that Bryce represents either the CIA or something else that you've loved in the past. He is a representation of whatever that is. What you need to focus on is that you did not call out his name. Your feelings for Chuck made you realize before you did it, even while you were not thinking rationally, you caught yourself. You have got to deal with real problems not almost problems. OK"

"The thing is Doctor Carson; I've loved two men in my life. Four months ago I watch one of them die a horrible death while I was powerless to do anything about it. What's worse is that I pleaded with him, while he was being tortured, not to give Chuck up. Bryce was not the best loved man in the world but when it counted, he came through. His torturers never knew Chuck's last name."

Sarah must have left this out of her mission report because this was the first I had heard of this account.

"My worst fear is that I will end up torturing Chuck just like Bryce was tortured. And in the end, have the same kind of compassion towards him as I showed towards Bryce."

She practically yelled Bryce's name as she ended up sobbing. I have been at this for many years and I have seen few people as distressed as Sarah Walker.

"Sarah, I really believe that we are making progress. Just hang in there. Do it for Chuck." I know that that is a low blow but it worked. She started to get control of her emotions. "Chuck loves you and you need to let him love you. Like I said, don't worry about things that haven't happened or almost happened. You truly do have enough to worry about without chasing ghosts."

I gave her a few more minutes to calm down. When I saw that she had control of herself I stood. "Sarah, I will see you and Chuck day after tomorrow. My advice to you is to treat your fiancé with as much love as you can. That's all you can do."

She smiled and nodded her head. She thanked me and left the office.

I recognize that we need a break in their therapy sessions. Sarah seems to be losing ground even as Chuck does more and more for her.

That's when I know what must be done.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I need to keep this chapter short because there is no dialogue. **

**Also for you Charah fans things are looking up. For the angst lovers there's always the next story. **

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Fifteen

Sarah Walker

I don't have an appointment until this afternoon so I decided to take the morning off. I've been in my own apartment for weeks now. Chuck and I both protested pretty hard when Dr. Carter outlined what he wanted us to do. I thought it was ridiculous at first but now I kind of like it, at least for the short term.

We see each other two days a week. We can talk on the phone no more than ninety minutes a day. No email and no texting.

Chuck put up the biggest fight but after a two minute one on one session with Dr. Carter, he reluctantly agreed.

I'm happy because today is one of our two days that we see each other this week. It has become like an old fashion courtship. Now that I think about it, he always did open the car door for me. We both agree that when we don't get to spend as much time together, we cherish the time we do have.

We haven't slept together for weeks. I know we are both looking forward to the honeymoon.

Despite our reservations, it appears that Dr. Carter was right about something. I haven't been this relaxed and happy since…since I don't know when. Even knowing that in three days I am going to meet my daughter for the first time, I'm sitting here in my living room in my nightgown relaxed and looking forward to seeing Chuck tonight. If this were just a month ago, I would be going out of my mind with worry about whether my daughter would like me or something along that line.

Now, even though it is vitally important to me what she thinks of me, I know that I will have Chuck by my side. I know I can count on Chuck.

I stand up as goosebumps slowly making their way down my arm. What did I just think? I can count on Chuck…I can count on Chuck. A slow developing smile engulfs my face so that all of my teeth are clearly visible.

I say it out loud. "I can count on Chuck." I say it again louder. "I can count on Chuck." I start to twirl around as I say it, hopping as I twirl, full of joy. "I can count on Chuck."

I'm twirling around in my living room, my nightgown flaring up and out and I feel like a seven year old girl with a new sundress. And I yell at the top of my lungs, "I can count on Chuck."

I open my front door and yell to the world, "I can count on Chuck." As I close the door, I think that this time it is not Bryce Larkin that I have put my trust in. It is Chuck Bartowski.

I think about what Chuck has done for me. First of all, he reunited me with my father who is coming to our wedding and will give me away. Secondly, he insisted that I maintain a relationship with the Walkers and that makes me happy. I like the fact that Chuck is confident enough to include them in our lives. And thirdly, he insisted that I get to know my daughter. It makes me want to cry just thinking about how wonderful a man I have.

I suddenly think of him as a constant in my life. Back in college I studied many constants. There's Pi and E in engineering, there's the speed of light in physics. Chuck Bartowski is my constant. In the world of engineering you have E and in the world of Sarah Walker you have Chuck Bartowski.

I think about these and other things he's done for me. I realize that he's gone to extraordinary lengths to make me happy…I want to do the same thing for him.

I start to make a mental list of the things I do that I know he likes. First, is… well I can't do the first thing on his list right now. That will have to wait until the honeymoon but second is when I muss up his hair. I always see a hint of a smile cross his face when I do that. I tell myself I need to do that more often. Third, is to reach out for his hand when we are walking together. I commit to never letting a day go by, after we're married, that I don't take hold of his hand for no other reason than I know he likes it. In these ways I can not only tell Chuck that I love him but I can show him I love him. That's something I've learned from him.

I sit back down on my couch thinking about my life. From my unhappy childhood, to my brief marriage, the funeral of my husband, the birth of our child, giving her up for adoption, joining the CIA and finally meeting Chuck, I realize that I've lived more in twenty nine years than most people do in a lifetime.

But now, I'm happy. For the first time in my life I'm happy. I have this wonderful man who is going to be my husband. I have been reunited with my father and family. I have a great job. And in three days I am going to meet my daughter for the first time. I feel really good about my life.

For some reason that made me think about last week when Chuck was over and he saw a book I was reading by Oliver Wendell Homes. He got so excited when he discovered that I liked reading classic literature. He loves to learn new things about me.

That made me think of something I had just read by Holmes that reminded me of Chuck. Holmes wrote, "The noblest service comes from nameless hands, and the best servant does his work unseen." I remember as I read that thinking that that was Chuck, always doing for someone without ever expecting anything in return.

I tear up as I think about him in that manner.

Sarah Walker, you're a lucky girl.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: This chapter was incredibly hard to write. Hope it measures up.

Sorry about missing the post last night. Had a power outage for seven hours.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Sixteen

Mary Reece

I hate my name. Why did my parents have to name me Mary Diane Reece? It's the stupidest name in the whole world. Of all the names they could have chose, they decided to name me Mary Diane Reece.

There's Mom running around again. She's been a complete mental case. Ever since Grandma Walker called and said that my bio mother wanted to come visit me, Mom's gone off the deep end. I even saw her crying on Dad's shoulder last night.

I live in Charleston SC. Actually, I live on Kiawah Island. I'm ten years old, soon to be eleven and I am going to meet my biological mother in just a few minutes.

I've known for about a year now that I was adopted. A couple of the girls on the tennis team had to get passports last year and needed their birth certificates. I decided to look for mine because next year when I play in the fourteen's and under, I can travel internationally too. Anyway, I find it. I go to Mom asking who Sarah Walker is while holding my birth certificate out to her. She got nervous and called Dad right away and we had that talk.

After the initial shock, it hasn't really changed anything in my life…until today. I'm not sure what to think about this lady coming by for a visit, a lady that over ten years ago decided to give me away. I decided when Mom told me that Sarah Walker was coming that I would wait and see if I like her. If not, no big deal.

When the doorbell rang I couldn't help but be startled. But Mom, she almost knocked over the lamp in the entryway.

I'm sitting on the couch in the family room watching Mom open the door, when she did she let out a gasp.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…it's just that…she looks just like you. Hi, I'm Beverly Reece."

I saw this tall, blonde-headed woman emerge from the outside. She smiled and shook my mother's hand. That's when I saw Grandma Walker step in behind some guy that I didn't know. He appeared to be with Sarah Walker.

I decided that I would stay put. If Sarah Walker wanted to see me she could come to me. That's when she looked at me. Our eyes locked. I saw why Mom had gasped. She does look like me I thought.

Here they come.

"Mary, this is Sarah Walker."

I am so glad she didn't say 'your mother.'

"Hi Mary, I'm glad to finally meet you."

I shook her hand. "Nice to meet you too," I said noticing she looked nervous. Why would she be nervous meeting me? She didn't want me. I don't understand.

"This is Chuck Bartowski," Grandma Walker said. "He is Sarah's fiancé."

"Hi Mary, I'm so happy to meet you. I've waited for this day for a long time now."

"Now this guy I like. He has a smile that makes me want to smile too."

"Everyone sit down, sit down," my mother said.

I went back to my original spot. Mom was on one side of me and Grandma Walker was on the other side. Sarah Walker and her fiancé sat on the couch opposite of mine. She looked stiff and very uncomfortable. I just stared at her waiting for her to say something.

"So Mary, Mrs. Walker tells me you are a very good tennis player?" Chuck said.

"I'm ranked 37 nationally in the girls 12 and under. Do you ever play tennis?" I ask.

"Uh no, not the same game you play. I've tried hitting the ball around but always wind up looking stupid. I have played tennis video games before," Chuck said brightening up with his revelation about video games.

"I don't really like video games." I say. "I would rather do something than sit in from TV set pretending to do something."

"Sarah is an outdoor person too. She would rather go climb a mountain or go for a hike in the forest with just the minimum amount of supplies to survive on." He smiled at me for a second. "I'll bet that's where you get you're…" he trailed out without finishing his sentence.

"Sarah, what do you do for a living?" Mom said nervously.

"I own a security firm."

"You mean like ADT or one of those companies?"

"Ah, no, what I do is work with local governments when politicians are visiting. I help make sure that local law enforcement thinks of every contingency."

"Oh my. You're awfully young to have a job like that."

I notice Sarah didn't respond.

"Chuck, do you work with Sarah?"

"Actually, we use to work together but I develop video games now. The kind that Mary doesn't really care about apparently."

He smiled at me. I decide that I like him. I haven't made up my mind about Sarah yet.

"Mary, why don't you show Sarah your bedroom? That's where she keeps her trophies," Mom said turning to explain to Sarah.

"Sure," I say. "Follow me."

I notice that Sarah smiles brightly and she gets up to follow me. I sneak another look at her and as much as I really didn't want to admit it, I have to say that we do look alike. We even walk alike.

Just when we reach my room, I turn to her and say, "What should I call you?"

"I think we should stick with Sarah for now, don't you?"

I nod my head in agreement and smile at her for the first time. I see her smile back broadly. For some reason it strikes me that we are getting too friendly too fast.

"Why did you decide to leave me?" I ask knowing that that would tone down the smiles.

"Mary, that question deserves a very deliberate, well-thought-out answer. I intend to give you that kind of answer. But now is not the right time. But what I will say to you is this…remember when you were two years old? What was your favorite thing to do? I bet it wasn't playing tennis."

"No, I liked to play with my dolls."

"That's right. When you were two you had different things that interested you. As you've become older, your interests have changed."

"The same thing is true for me. I was only eight years older than you are right now when I gave birth to you. That may seem like a lot but it isn't. I was a very young girl. On top of that, my husband had just been killed. I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. I sure had no idea what to do with a baby."

She looked at me nervously as she waited for my response.

"OK, here are my trophies." She told me more than I thought she would. For some reason it made sense to me. I think she said she gave me away for my own good. I felt better about her after that.

"Mary, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Did you ever watch Barney when you were a little girl?"

"That was my favorite show when I was four. I watched it all the time."

"Can I tell you something that nobody else in the whole world knows, not even Chuck?"

I shake my head up and down.

"Back when you were watching Barney, I would watch it too. You see I traveled all over the world at that time and I lived in hotel rooms. But no matter where I went, I checked the TV listing to see when Barney came on. If I could, I would get up early or stay up late just to watch it. You know why?"

I shake my head from side to side this time.

"I would pretend that I was watching it with you. No matter how tough my day would be, I tried to always make time to watch my show with you." She took a deep breath and then stared at me. "There has not been one day gone by since the day you were born that I have not thought about you. Honestly, the thought of you was the only thing that kept me going sometimes."

Before I could respond, I heard Dad come in. He had been at work and could not get away.

"Come on, Dads here. He will want to meet you too."

We went from my room through the long corridor back to the family room. I entered the room followed closely by Sarah.

"Sarah, this is my husband, Tyler Reece," Mom said.

I looked from Dad back to Sarah and saw that they recognized each other.

"Tyler…what's wrong?" Mom asked alarmed by my dad's expression.

"Come with me Beverly," he said dragging my mom into the kitchen. Sarah followed him.

"Mr. Reece, let me explain," she said.

Chuck followed closely behind Sarah.

"I need to go to the ladies room," I say to Grandma Walker so I can listen in from the hallway. After finding a place where I can hear their conversation without being seen, I sit down with great anticipation.

"Mr. Reece, please let me explain." Sarah said.

"Beverly, do you know who this is?"

"Tyler, its Mary's Biological Mother. Of course I know."

"I hope not. I pray to God that there is some mistake. This woman is a cold blooded killer."

I gasp as I hear my dad say that. I can't help it; I have to sneak a peak. I see Sarah looking almost stricken.

"That's not true Mr. Reece. My name is Chuck Bartowski and Sarah and I are engaged to be married." He looks at Sarah as though asking how does he know?

"Chuck, Mrs. Reece. I met your husband in an embassy oversees. Your husband is a contractor who builds American Embassy's all over the world. I was brought in on one particular location for security reasons. Unfortunately, my services were needed and your husband was witness to that sad event."

"I don't understand," Mom said looking to Dad for an explanation.

"Sarah Walker works for our Government. She is some kind of spy. She was involved with the security of the embassy."

"Mr. Reece, Sarah has left that agency you speak of; she has started her own company and is marrying me next month. She is no different than the soldiers you stand and applaud in the Charleston airport. I guess there is one difference. She has always done her job without applause. Without the recognition of people like you and me, because we'll never know what she has done for us…on our behalf. She leaves her job with the highest regard from her peers and yet no one will ever know of her contribution to our countries safety."

"Wow, this is so cool." I think.

"Mr. Reece, what Chuck says is true, I have left the agency. And…if you tell me to leave and never come back, I will honor that. But I have begun a new life. One in which I would like to get to know Mary as well as try to make a life with this man that I love. My life is going to be a good one. I know that. But with Mary occupying some small portion of it, I will be content."

I see Dad backing down.

"Tyler, you know how you overreact. If you feel the same way in a couple of hours, fine. My gut tells me to give them a chance."

Dad is hesitant but he trusts Mom.

"Maybe I overreacted when I first saw you. I sometimes have nightmares about that night."

Sarah did not comment.

Dad was quiet apparently thinking.

"Let's start all over. I'm sorry for my behavior."

"Are you sure, Tyler?" Mom was still worried.

"Come on Bev. I think she deserves better. Chuck's right."

I see they are going back to the family room so I hurry to beat them there.

I am sitting on the couch with Grandma Walker when they come into the room somewhat stiff and awkward.

As we talk, everyone loosens up.

We talk for quite a while, actually it is a couple of hours. I'm surprised it goes so fast. Before it's over, Mom and Dad are actually laughing with Chuck and Sarah. Chuck is funny and it's easy to laugh with him.

Suddenly, I hear my mom saying to Grandma Walker to come back really soon.

The group of them, including my dad is standing in front of the door.

"Mary, come say goodbye to our guests."

I get up to say goodbye to everyone.

I hug Grandma Walker.

I shake Chuck's hand and tell him goodbye.

I step over to Sarah who's holding out her hand. I don't know why I do it but I reach for her and give her a hug. She let's out a small gasp…and then holds on to me tightly. I feel her convulse once. When I step back I see tears in her eyes. She's looking at Mom and smiling."Thank you…thank you for giving me this. You don't know what it means to me." She goes to hug my mom. When they stop, Sarah freezes and has this weird look on her face. She stays like that for a moment. She looks at me and briefly smiles. She then turns to Chuck and grabs his arm.

"I remember you," she says. "Remind me to tell you what you were wearing the first day I saw you." She's smiling from ear to ear.

Mom closed the door and I run to the front window to watch them leave. They are walking towards their car hand in hand They look so happy. Suddenly, Chuck grabs her arm and spins her to face him. They kiss like in the movies. I don't normally care for movie kisses but this one is nice.

I turn away and think to myself, that I liked Sarah Walker. I wouldn't mind seeing her again. As I sit down on the couch again I think, why did Mom and Dad name me Mary Diane. With all the names in the world.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Two more Chapters after this one.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Seventeen

Robert Carson

I look at the case file with a smile on my face. In my line of work it is few and far between to have a success story of this magnitude. I set the file down at the knock on my door. I know it will be Sarah and Chuck.

"Come in," I say as I motion for them to take a seat. They walk in and I see they are their old happy selves again. But this time I see something different with Sarah. I can't put my finger on it but it will come to me.

"Apparently everything went well with your visit to your daughter's house?"

"It was better than expected Dr, Carter. I didn't know for a while there but before we left, everything had turned out great," Sarah said.

"I saw in your file that she came out last week to play in a tennis tournament and stayed at your apartment. How did that go?"

"It went well. We had a serious talk about why I did the things I did with respect to her. She's young but she's very bright. I think she understands a little about my motivations."

"That's really great, Sarah. Did you invite her to the wedding?"

She looked at Chuck and smiled and then said, "I haven't yet. Chuck really wanted me too but it didn't seem like the right time. I'm probably going to give Beverly a call this week. We'll see how it goes."

That's when I recognize the difference in her. She is content. I've never seen that emotion on Sarah's face before. It looks good on her.

"I'm sorry that we could not meet for the last two weeks, I had a family emergency."

"Not a problem Doc. Sarah and I have had a great time going on our dates and preparing for the wedding," Chuck said grabbing her hand. They shared an intimate smile. I see that their relationship has finally matured. They are going to be OK.

"Let's talk about you two not living together. I said it was OK once I heard that Sarah had regained her memory of you Chuck."

"Yeah, well the thing is, Doc. We both like the old fashioned feel of dating. We know that when we do go on our honeymoon, it will be all the more special. We did cheat a little while Mary was in town last week but we're back on schedule this week," Chuck said.

"By the way, Doc. Do you know what it was that caused Sarah to loose her memory of me…and some of the other weird things about Bryce?"

"I have a pretty good idea what happened. There are no guarantees when you're dealing with very complex issues like these but everything seems to fit. This is what I think happened."

"From the way Sarah was brought up, she viewed the world as a cold and lonely place. She was not someone that made friends easily and as she grew older, everyone she ever cared about left her. Her father was never around and when he was he was preoccupied with his career. Her mother committed suicide when she was sixteen. Her husband was killed in action."

"I'm not sure Jonathan plays a role in this Dr. Carter?" Sarah said.

"You may have not loved Lieutenant Walker as a husband but you loved him nonetheless. He, just like everyone else that you loved left you. This just reinforced your view that the world was made up of isolated individuals that rarely touched each others souls."

Sarah shook her head as though she could see what I was saying to her.

"How do we get from Sarah having a lonely life to what we experienced these past few months?"

"I didn't know it at the time. Actually I thought the 'zero incident' as I like to refer to it as, was work related. It turns out that the situation that started all of Sarah's problems was giving up her daughter for adoption."

"I don't get it. She did that for her daughters own good, as well as the Walkers."

"That's right, but in her heart she knew she had abandoned her daughter just like everyone she had ever loved abandoned her. She could not really deal with that. So she compartmentalized the fact that she put her daughter up for adoption. Later, when she joined the CIA, it was easier for her because she could say that it was for her daughter's own good."

"So you're saying that Sarah felt guilty about putting her daughter up for adoption?"

"Chuck, you know how you felt when Sarah was away with Bryce on that last mission. The guilt you felt for allowing her to go?"

"Yes."

"Multiply that by ten fold."

Chuck looked at Sarah with a hint of understanding of what she had gone through. He reached over and held on to her one hand with both of his. She smiled at him with moist eyes.

"Sarah's ability to compartmentalize those, shall we say seedy things she had to do out of a sense of duty to complete her assignment successfully, led her to be very successful. She could forget about things that may haunt others. But not without a cost."

I take a breath and chug some of my water. I give them time to do the same thing.

"She had fallen in love with Bryce Larkin and although that was exciting, Bryce reinforced everything she believed about the world. Bryce was also a loner. He was also cold in spirit. Everything Sarah knew to be true with everyone in the world."

"But then she met one Charles Irving Bartowski. This guy did not fit into the mold she had everyone boxed into. Early on, before she was ready to admit that she was developing feelings for you. She had to make a decision…you or Bryce. She choose you, but that started the process of tearing down the compartmentalizations. She was not ready to deal with that. I can only imagine how she treated you after that decision."

I watched them share an amused look.

"More precisely, that part of her subconscious that needed the compartmentalization began to fight for it's life."

"Sarah, does this make sense to you?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah, it does. I have never thought about some of the things Dr. Carter has said, but I think he's right on."

"Sarah, that's why when Emily said that she was having a relationship with Bryce that you got mad and referred to Bryce as your boyfriend. That was your subconscious trying to get rid of Chuck."

"I knew there was something about you id I didn't like," Chuck said smiling.

"And you had every right not to like it. It wanted nothing more than to get you out of Sarah's life. But the fact is that when she chose to stay with you over leaving with Bryce, the dye was cast."

"Her subconscious refused to give up. Finally, most likely with the aid of a gunshot wound to the head, it caused your amnesia."

"I get it. So when Mary accepted Sarah. The original compartmentalization was not needed anymore. Am I right?"

"Very good, Chuck. At least that is my theory. But all the facts seem to bare that out."

"So now what? Do we have anything else to worry about?" Chuck looked at Sarah with a worried look.

I laugh and then have to explain when they both look at me a little peeved it seemed. "I don't think you have anything to worry about Sarah. I think you found the perfect cure in Chuck here."

I look at them trying to decide if I should tell them what is on my mind. I finally decide what the hell. "I've got to tell you, I've never seen two people with a need for each other more than you two. Love describes only part of it. Just think about what you've gone through to be here at this point. From being shot by the other with an intent to kill. To sending the other out on a mission that ends up killing a friend of yours… still you're sitting here. Can either of you explain that?"

"Doc, I, well its just that…I guess that I would forgive anything she did if the alternative was not being with her."

I look at Sarah who is shaking her head in agreement. "You feel the same way?"

"I do."

"And that's what I'm talking about. I can't think of anyone else who could have survived what you've been though."

I sigh and pick up a folder. "There's nothing more to do here. I pull the official form out of the folder. It's already signed by the Director of the CIA as well as three other sub officials. My signature is the only one required to release Sarah from her contract with the Central Intelligence Agency.

I sign the form and give it to her. "Congratulations, Citizen Walker. Of course you and Chuck know that none of this ever happened."

They both smiled as they rose from the couch. "None of what?" they said in unison.

They left without a further word.

I turn and walk to my desk and pick up an envelope. _You are invited to the wedding of Sarah Lisa Walker and Charles Irving Bartowski. _I smile for a brief moment and then take a lighter and burn the announcement. You see I don't even know Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski.


	18. Chapter 18

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

A/N: I have added an epilogue to this story so after this chapter there will be two more posts. Now here's the bad news. I am not going to be able to post them until next Friday and Saturday. Thanks for reading.

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Eighteen

Emily Stevens

I'm sitting in a back room of the Cathedral of our Lady Catholic Church in Los Angles. I'm watching Sarah being attended to by five doting women. I didn't know they even existed before yesterday.

Sarah is my best friend but I knew nothing of her life before the CIA just as she knows nothing of mine. Everything just works better that way. But now, I've met her father and step mother. I've met her sisters and the biggest shock of all, I've met her daughter.

As I watch Eve, Karen, Kelly, Maryann and Ellie pamper her and attend to every need, I can't help but feel a little jealous of her. I got to know Chuck pretty well while she and Bryce were away on their last mission. I know she is marrying a good man.

And yet, I could not leave this life. Not for anyone, including a man like Chuck.

I wonder what it is that makes Sarah want to leave the excitement and the danger of her old life for the white picket fence.

I'm also jealous that I cannot be a part of her wedding party. I know it would cause too many questions if some mysterious girl showed up as a member of her wedding party. It's just that I've been her best friend for the last ten years and I can't even share her happiest day with her. Actually, I had to pull a lot of strings to even be here. The CIA was not for it, at least until Sarah and I came up with a good cover. My name is Emily Stevens and I am another security consultant back in Washington and was out here meeting with her for business and she invited me to the wedding at the last minute.

I look over at her daughter who seems to be waiting for all the pampering to end. She looks as though she can't wait for this to be over. I just can't get over the fact that Sarah is a mother. Her daughter is beautiful and looks exactly like her mother. I see though by the look on the young girl's face that she is happy for Sarah too. I shake my head in wonder at how different Sarah is from who I thought she was.

"Emily, how does she look?" Ellie said.

I have to admit, she is beautiful. "I don't think I've ever seen a prettier bride," I say. Sarah and I share a look. She silently thanks me for being here.

"OK, it's time. We need to get to our places," Ellie says.

"Emily, I'll meet you after the ceremony. We'll talk," Sarah says looking back over her shoulder as she is hustled away.

I make my way back to the front of the Church so I can be seated on the bride's side. I look around. It is a newer style of church but it is beautiful.

Everyone has been seated and there is a silence that takes over the building as everyone waits on the bride to appear.

As the music begins, the wedding party begins their procession. Ellie Woodcomb is the maid of honor and looks beautiful in the lightest shade of blue I've ever seen.

She is followed by Sarah's two sisters.

Then the groom and his party walk out from the right side of the back of the church. Chuck looks great in his black tuxedo. I don't really know Morgan and Devon but they look nice as well. Chuck is definitely nervous as he waits on his bride. He keeps stealing looks to the front of the church as if he is afraid she won't appear.

The wedding march begins and everyone stands to turn around to see the bride. I see she is being escorted by her father. She looks happy. He looks proud.

She is absolutely stunning. So elegant in her traditional white strapless gown that plunges to her lower back. Her daughter is holding the train of the dress. Sarah moves with the elegance and the grace of a ballerina, or a kung fu master. When she locks eyes with Chuck, I see the electricity in the connection. That's when I stop looking for answers as to why Sarah would leave the CIA. That connection, that link, that joining of themselves through the meeting of their eyes, that's why she's leaving. The CIA cannot touch that. After seeing that, I know she has something rarely dreamed of. I am happy for her.

"Did you think you were coming to this all by yourself?"

I turn to see who is speaking to me in such a low whisper and cannot believe my eyes.

"How did you get the government to allow you guys to come to this?" I say to Carina and Casey.

"What they don't know won't hurt them," Carina said.

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna miss this. I just wish I could give Walker some shit afterwards."

"Afterwards Casey, she won't be Walker, she'll be Bartowski."

"That she will, Stevens," Casey said.

"Let me ask you a question, Casey? How long was it before you knew Walker had it bad for Chuck?"

"I knew before he did," Carina said.

"Did not."

"Remember when we went after that diamond? I knew then."

"You did not. Walker did even know then."

"I know…but I did. Ask Chuck. I tried to seduce him because I knew she had it for him."

"Oh, really. And did you seduce him?"

"Well, no. He was already smitten with her."

"So Carina the great seductress was turned down," Casey said with a huge smirk on his face.

"Watch it buster or you might find yourself handcuffed to a bedpost."

I knew Carina and Casey had worked together before and this was a reference to something Casey did not want shared because he shut up.

I turned back to the wedding.

"Do you Sarah Lisa Walker; take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband."

She look into his eyes and smiled.

"I do."

Chuck turned to the crowd and wiped his brow. There was a general murmur of laughter throughout the church. I know Chuck was not intending to be funny; he was seriously relieved when Sarah said 'I do'.

"Do you Charles Irving Bartowski take this woman to be your wife?'

"I do."

I watched them share another smile.

"Do you think you'll ever be doing that?" Carina said to me.

"Honestly? I don't see any way that will ever happen. What about you?"

Carina gave me that look like I was crazy but then I saw the twinkle in her eye.

"The only way I'm getting up there is if I can convince John to go with me."

The look on Casey's face was priceless. If I only had a camera.

"Would you two shut up, I'm trying to hear what they have to say."

"John Casey getting sentimental on us?" Carina said not letting up.

Before I knew it I heard the Priest say, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Sarah lifted on her toes with her arms around his neck while Chuck bent down slightly and turned his head sideways with his hands on her waist. It was the perfect wedding kiss, not too long and not too short.

"May I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Charles Bartowski."

The church erupted with applause as Chuck and Sarah made their way to the front of the building. Chuck led her out holding on to her hand.

After they were out of sight for a while the ushers started escorting the wedding guests out of the Church.

We waited outside the church for the Bartowski's to appear. When they did we threw the ceremonial rice. Sarah did not want the bubbles.

She found me, Carina and Casey and pulled us to the side.

"Carina, John, thanks for coming. You know the trouble you'll be in if you get caught? "

"Yeah well," John said embarrassed.

"Chuck and I will be at the airport in three hours. Do you think you could meet us there? I would like to have a chance to say goodbye."

The three of us as a group didn't know what to say. We all knew that this was truly goodbye. At least until we left the agency as well.

"Sure Sarah. See you there."

I watched Sarah get dragged away by other well-wishers. She and Chuck thanked as many as they could and finally got into the limo. I watched them drive away.

I was suddenly glad that I would see her at the airport. I didn't want my last memory of Sarah to be her speeding away in a limo.

X-X

"There they are," I say as I see Chuck and Sarah approaching hand in hand and laughing.

Casey, Carina and I watch them with smiles on our faces. They haven't spotted us yet and it allows me to just see them as they are.

"Hey, over here," Carina says and we meet in the middle of the concourse. Going to sit down, I look at Sarah and much to my surprise I have tears in my eyes.

"Where are you going on your honeymoon?" I ask.

"You guys are never going to believe this but I pulled the last string I had with the CIA and arrange a week's stay on Renaissance Island."

I know Carina and Casey's mouth was as open as mine. "No way, how did you swing that? How did you know who to even talk to?"

"I can't tell you that. It was part of the deal," Sarah said smiling at the three of us.

"What are you talking about?" Chuck said obviously not in the loop with the honeymoon plans.

"Chuck, I told you not to worry about the honeymoon and that I had that taken care of…Well there is this myth about a billionaire's only vacation retreat that is so exclusive that it would cost millions just to inquire on availability. It just so happens that I know a guy who knows a guy that books the reservations. On top of that, I have one last favor that I was hanging on to from a certain wealthy politician." Sarah looked at the three of us again. "Chuck and I are going to Renaissance Island for our honeymoon."

Even Casey was impressed. And Chuck kept shaking his head and finally said.

"I don't understand what the big deal is?"

"You will Chuck. Just wait till you get there." I say.

"Why haven't I heard of this island before if it is so special?"

"Because no one knows where it is. You're blindfolded on the trip and they monitor you for electronic tracking devices. Only the wealthiest can afford to go there," Sarah said. "This will give a whole new meaning to the term 'all inclusive'."

I look at Sarah and cannot hide the melancholy from my expression. "I'm really very happy for you Sare Sare," I say.

"Emily that's what I wanted to talk with you three about. I know that you won't be able to speak to me about any mission specific topics from here on out but I would like to stay in touch."

"I don't understand Sarah, what could we talk about?"

Sarah laughed as if she knew something we did not. "We would talk about how we are doing. How life is treating us. Whether or not we are happy, that kind of thing."

"Sure Sarah," Carina said looking at me as though Sarah had lost her mind.

"I mean it. You guy's do very dangerous work. Call me from time to time just to let me know you're OK."

We said we would in unison and Sarah and Chuck stood to leave. Sarah hugged all three of us, even Casey who seemed a little embarrassed.

Chuck shook Casey's hand and then hugged Carina. When he came to me he looked into my eyes for a second before speaking.

"You know Emily, I wasn't sure if I was going to like you when I first met you. It just goes to show first impressions are not always right. You are a good friend and I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there for me."

He then hugged me warmly as a friend would who has known you for years. It sort of choked me up and to my surprise I felt the sting of tears.

They grabbed their things a started off towards their concourse. As I watched them leave, I saw clearly that Sarah was walking towards her future and the three of us were her past. She was going to be happy with Chuck. There was no doubt about that. But I could not help but feel a little sad for myself. As I turned to follow John and Carina to leave the airport, I wondered if the excitement of the job would ever be quite as thrilling as it had before.


	19. Chapter 19

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Chapter Nineteen

Sarah Bartowski

I feel the sun warm on my face. Then I realize what woke me up. I have to smile. I feel the soft caress of a gentle hand slowly moving up from my knee to my hip, lingering there as if deciding whether to continue on its journey or to take a detour. Then reluctantly, moving across my stomach over my bare left breast and finally tracing the outline of my lips, is the strong, soft hand of Chuck Bartowski. How do I know it is Chuck Bartowski you ask?" Simple, we're the only ones on this island.

I open my eyes to find Chuck just inches from my face. I absolutely love the expression he wears. I love even more the taste of his lips and the feel of his naked body pressed into mine.

I take a deep breath and loosen my grip on his back and Chuck moves away allowing me to sit up. I look around at the scenery and smile in appreciation. The tropical trees gently sway to the gentle breeze that inevitably cools us as we lay under the sun. I have to move some wind whipped hair behind my ear as the smell of the ocean soothes my thoughts.

The sky is the deepest blue I've ever seen and at night the moon seems twice its size. The sand on the beach is white, not off white but white. Against the turquoise water it is a sight only five or six dozen people alive today have ever seen.

The island didn't have to be remote. It could have had a full staff to meet our every need. But I choose to have everything fully stocked so that Chuck and I took care of ourselves totally alone. For a price the island can be whatever you want.

Even though we are alone the accommodations are completely and totally five star. After just two of our seven days here, Chuck is starting to turn deep brown. I love the color of his skin when it tans.

I smile when I decide that there is nothing about Chuck that I don't love.

"I could stay here forever," Chuck said smiling at me. "How about you Mrs. Bartowski?"

"I'll stay anywhere you are." I say.

He smiles and leans down for another kiss. "I'll be right back. Can I bring you something?"

"I'm good…don't be too long." I watch Chuck's lean but muscular legs flex as he jogs through the sand up to the beach house. I can't help but admire his firm derriere, the muscles twitching with every stride.

I love Chuck's kisses, I say to myself and then wonder why I thought of that.

With time to myself, I think about the future. It looks bright and full of promise.

Mary is coming for three days right before Christmas this year and then Chuck and I will spend an evening with Eve and Tyler when they come out to pick her up. I am looking forward to seeing my daughter again. I think back to my wedding, just before Chuck and I left, she said goodbye to me… she called me mom. Mary and Chuck have started to bond as well. That was one thing never in doubt.

The one sadness that I will have to deal with is not being able to discuss Emily's missions with her. But I am hopeful that she will at least email me from time to time and let me know how she's doing. I suspect she will just to find out about Chuck and me.

My father has mellowed since he's retired and I actually enjoyed talking with him at the wedding. He's coming out with Karen next month for a couple of days. I've always liked Karen and I am going to Maryland in two months to be in Maryanne's wedding. I'm looking forward to getting to know both of my sisters better. Even though Maryanne is my step sister, I want her to be no different than as if she was my very own sister. I've been too long without family. The same holds true for Kelly. Even though we live on opposite sides of the country, I am going to make sure that we get to spend quality time together.

As for Chuck's and my careers, I don't think the future could be any brighter. His company is growing. He has a buyer and is considering selling it at a price that would allow us to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. And even though I took a break from my consulting business, it seems demand for my services is still very strong. I know I will need to do something to keep me busy. I don't think I could ever just be a housewife. Nothing against housewives but I'm not cut from that cloth.

I watch Chuck walk up to me and sit down. He has a fairly serious look on his face. I know when I see that look that he is going to ask me a question. One that he's thought about for a while.

"Sarah, I don't know why I thought of this but I was wondering why you choose to stay with me instead of going with Bryce early on?"

"Honestly Chuck, the answer to that is pretty complicated. I still had feelings for Bryce but it's pretty obvious to me now that I was developing feelings for you by then too. I can tell you this…if you had not called me on my cell when you did I would have left with Bryce. I was prepared to."

"So all of this." He gestured at the island. "All of this." He gestured at his heart. "All of this might have never happened if not for a well timed phone call?" He actually shivered at the thought of how close our love came to never happening.

"OK, since we're being philosophical, let me ask you a question? Ever since we've known each other…what would you change, what you do differently if you could?"

"That's easy. I would not have let you leave with Bryce on that last mission…and you."

"I have a lot to be, shall we say, not proud of. The obvious one is that awful day in your room. But I wonder if we would be here right now if I hadn't pulled that trigger. We have a lot of water under the bridge and we've come through it. Who's to say it would have turned out as good if we had not gone through everything we did?"

"I never looked at it like that," he said lost in thought.

"I've got another question for you then. When Bryce and I were away, did you ever think about replacing me with Emily? I mean if something happened to me."

"What! No. Never did that thought cross my mind."

"Good answer," I say good naturedly. "But I'm pretty sure that Emily could not answer the same way."

"Sarah, no. I don't know what I would have done without her support. She was great."

"Don't get me wrong Chuck. I'm not suggesting she did anything wrong. I'm just saying I think you had an impact on her. Who knows, we might hear about her leaving the CIA one day to marry some nerdy fellow."

Chuck just smiled. I realize that he would like to see that day for Emily's sake.

X-X

Our last night on the island and I can truly say that our honeymoon exceeded all my expectations. I know Chuck feels the same way.

We are lying on our bed. The cool night air feels great as the wind whips through the windowless openings in our cabin.

We have gone for six days and nights without wearing clothing. I will feel a little sad when I have to get dressed in the morning. I have to say though that this tropical sun has turned my white skin into a light tan. Chuck goes on and on about it. I guess I'll have to try and maintain it for him.

"Sarah, do you know you've changed me so completely from the man you met at the Buy More. If not for you I would not be the owner of a business." He looks at me. "I've decided to sell it you know." I know he sort of lost his train of thought.

"That's fine Chuck. I've always said it was your decision."

"The thing is I don't know what I'm going to do with myself."

"You can always help me out if you want."

"You mean get your coffee and that sort of thing…no thanks."

"What I was thinking is maybe you could be my partner. It would seem like you might be coming into some money fairly soon. Maybe you would want to buy in?" I said smiling at him. "You know maybe call the company Sarah and Chuck Bartowski Security Inc."

"Oh no. If I'm buying into your company the name stays the same and I am strictly a silent partner. I have learned a thing or two about what you do. Maybe I could help out some, but share the billing? No way."

It is a nice moment for us. But then I get serious. "Chuck, you've changed me as well. I thought about this yesterday. Use to be when I said the words, **we** or **us**, I was referring to the CIA. But now when I say the words, **we** or **us**, I am speaking about you and me. The partnership we have developed. Our Union. I also thought of another word that has a different meaning for me now. **Protect**; use to be when I used this word it would be to keep someone safe from a physical threat. Like when I was your handler, it was my job to protect you from danger."

"But now when I use the word protect it is about maintaining that relationship that we have and making sure that we are safe. I look at him to see if he is getting what I'm saying. "Another word is **trust**. Back then trust meant that I would do whatever for the mission. So if I were to say trust me it meant that I would do what I had to do to be successful. Now when I say trust, I am asking you to know that I will put your needs before mine."

I can tell he is moved by my words.

"I guess we've both changed since we met," he said.

X-X

I wake up to find that I am alone. Getting up to investigate, I see Chuck fully clothed sitting out on the beach looking out at the ocean. Something about this scene is vaguely familiar to me but I can't quite put my finger on it.

I take my shower and get dressed as well. When I'm ready, I see Chuck is still on the beach. It isn't until I take my boots with me and walk out to sit down next to my husband that I recognize the familiarity of the situation.

"How long have you been watching?" he said, not looking as I sat down.

"All night," I said, it wasn't true but I wanted to see if he remembered. He didn't let on.

"There's no place that I can hide is there?"

"Not from **us**." I noticed the slightest hint of a smile on his face as he caught on that I knew.

"What happens now?'

For now, you'll work for **us** and **we'll** **protect** you." I smiled at him enjoying the different meaning of the same conversation we had the very first time we spent a night on the beach, over three years ago.

"I guess **we've** come full circle?" he said.

"Not yet."

He looked at me quizzically.

"I need you to do one more thing for me." He turned to look at me. "**Trust** me, Chuck." I then bump into him moving his torso over slightly.

We smiled at each other. He leans over and kisses me.

"A lot has happened since that morning," he says. "It's funny but I thought my life was ruined that day."

"Thanks a lot," I say. Then something in the water grabs my attention.

"We better get going; our boat is waiting to take us home." I said, as we stood and began to walk along the white sands, his arm on my shoulder and mine around his waist.

Chuck looked at me earnestly then stopped me by stepping in front of me.

"Sarah, I'm a better man from having known you."

It was the complete sincerity with which he said it that brought tears to my eyes. I know that I can say the same thing about him. I guess that's what a marriage like ours is all about…helping your mate become a better person, not by trying to but by the simple fact that you compliment each other and strengthen each other. And, in the end, you find the greatest pleasure in the smallest things.

Did I mention that I love Chuck's kisses?

**A/N: I hope you liked it. I would appreciate knowing if you did not think the ocean scene worked . I kept changing it until I thought what I was trying to do was clear. Let me know if I screwed it up.**

**I have a short epilogue yet to post.**


	20. Epilogue

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

**A/N: As I thought about how Chuck and Sarah's life might turn out within the context of this story, it occurred to me that Sarah would always be protecting the innocent. So this ending to Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy is set about four years from the last chapter. **

**I loved writing it and will miss this Chuck and Sarah.**

Chuck and Sarah vs Therapy

Epilogue

Detective Luisi

I don't know how I knew when I got the call but somehow I did. Then, when I was told to go to the Bank of America near Burbank and to go alone, I knew exactly what I would find once I got there.

Sure enough, walking through the front doors, it took me all of two seconds to spot the mysterious blonde that I had seen five times now over the last four years.

"Detective Luisi," she said smiling at me. "Could you tell your colleagues here to lay off the heavy handed tactics?"

I looked at the two officers and motioned for them to move away. "What happened…this time, lady?"

"Lieutenant, you know my name is Sarah."

"Do I?"

"I'm hurt by your skepticism."

I look over at the four men tied up in the middle of the bank lobby. "Got tired of beating up just one bad guy huh, so you took on four heavily armed bad guys."

The first time I met Sarah she had just run down a carjacker with her husband's brand new mustang causing some real damage to the car. Apparently what prompted the woman to give chase was the fact that the owner's two year old was still in the back of the car. By several eyewitness accounts, she then preceded to beat the crap out of the man before knocking him unconscious. Something she denied and then mysteriously the entire group of eyewitnesses seemed to loose their memory of the entire event.

"I suppose you had nothing to do with this," I said pointing to the lump of men lying on the floor.

"I did not."

"Who are you really?" I see she is not going to answer my question.

"Look, I have seen you five times and each time you are a hero. Why not just admit it. I don't understand why you go through all this cloak and dagger routine.

And that's when it hit me. As I look at her, I see the faintest hint of a smile on her

face. I finally understand.

"Are you retired?" I ask.

"Oh no, I own a very thriving business." She smiles sweetly at me.

"I'll never get a straight answer from you will I?"

"Why Lieutenant, I don't know what you mean."

"You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hold you here until he shows up. I always enjoy the lecture you get from him. What's his name again? Chuck isn't it?"

"Lieutenant, let me ask you something. Suppose you're at a bank and you see four men that you know are going to rob the place. You look over at the security guard who is probably a year away from retirement. And suppose that you can tell from prior training; let's say just for the stories sake, that these four men are mercenaries. You know if the old guard draws his gun, he's a dead man. What would you do if you knew you stood a good chance of stopping it before someone got killed?"

What can I say? "Look, Sarah. I don't blame you for doing this. But I have to go back and file a report. Do you know the crap I get from the guys after each one of these I have had to file? You know what they call you…Wanda Woman. I hear that crack once a day. And now this," I look at four large guy's lying on the floor. My report will say a one hundred and thirty pound woman took out all four by herself." It will be Wanda Woman to the rescue.

I look at her and can see she feels sorry for me but not enough to come down to precinct with me.

"Lieutenant, do yourself a favor, by tomorrow no one here will admit that I was ever here. Just file it as an unknown person. Make him a great big guy," she says knowingly. "All your buddies will believe that and everyone is happy."

She glanced at the front door. "So why don't you be a dear and let me go. You know what will happen if you push this too far?"

I remember the visit two government types paid me the first time I tried to find out who this woman was…I know she's right.

Just when I was ready to give in I see the guy she is trying to avoid walk through the doors.

"Sarah," he said and then saw her and rushed up to the two of us. "What have you done this time?"

"Chuck, let's talk about it later. Detective Luisi was just going to let me go. Weren't you Lieutenant?"

"Oh I don't know. I would kind of like to see what Chuck has to say about all of this."

"Come on Chuck. Lieutenant, maybe we will never see each other again."

"I live in hope, Sarah." I smile as I watch her and her husband walk toward the door and I hear her say.

"Honestly, it wasn't that dangerous. I had the element of surprise. You know I couldn't let anyone get killed." She looked up to Chuck to gage his temperature and then added. "Besides, this time I didn't wreck the mustang." She smiled at him hoping her joke would sooth his fears.

I honestly hope that this is the last time I ever see her but I really doubt it. In a town the size of LA there is always something going on. I feel sorry for the poor lout that does anything wrong around this beautiful blonde name Sarah.

**A/N: You can take Sarah out of the CIA but you can't take the CIA out of Sarah.**


End file.
